Radical Loving Care: Journal of Sacred Work

Days 109-113 - When Water Falls

  We began life in Water's womb. Her waves, or lakes, her streams are poems. Especially when water falls. 

    The link below takes you to a brief meditation on waterfalls including a poem that I wrote & narrated in the hope it would bring some serenity to your life. 

   May you enjoy the peace that a marriage to the water can bring. 

   Click on the link below:

https://youtu.be/MJZx5eNThng

-Erie Chapman

Photograph by Erie from "When Water Falls" includes image of me with my mother.

"The Undressing" - Days 182 & 183

There is a brilliant poet out there unknown to me until Jill Webb shared his work. He is Li-Young Lee.

We count on love "prevailing." Yet, if we live life with passion, we are sure to entertain doubts just as Mother Teresa doubted God. 

For caregivers, the important thing is that no patient's body is simply "...a tree/ in which lived a bird." The beauty of Lee's writing saves our hearts from slowly turning to stone & our work shifting from momentous to meaningless. 

As I often write, far to many miss out on poetry's power for fear they "Won't get it" or "It's too confusing."

The final stanzas of "The Undressing", are a pearl necklace of words strung by a genius: 

If love doesn’t prevail,
who wants to live in this world?
Are you listening?

You thought my body was a tree
in which lived a bird. But now,
can’t you see flocks alive in this blazing foliage?
Blue throngs, gold multitudes, and pale congregations.
And each member flits from branch to living branch.
Each is singing at different amplitudes and frequencies.
Each is speaking secrets that will ripen into sentence.
And their voices fan my fragrant smoldering.
Disclosing the indestructible body of law.
Ratifying ancient covenants. Establishing new cities.
And their notes time the budding
of your own flowering.
Die now. And climb up into this burning.

Thank you, Mr. Lee.

-Erie Chapman

Still Learning - Days 164-168

   Our earliest "graduations" are clearly defined steps we climb.  Starting as early as nursery school adults hand out certificates authorizing our travel to the next stage. 

    What lives at the top of the staircase? The steps we climb & how we ascend them answer part of that question. 

   Of course, each level becomes increasingly challenging. No one can practice nursing without certifications. No one can practice medicine without degrees & licenses. 

   These transitions, like my oldest grandson's high school graduation, are products of civilization. Miles (pictured) has climbed this stage so well that he has been accepted into the country's most selective university. 

   Every time we reach a new height we find ourselves yearning for the next. Higher levels of competency forever beckon the ambitious. 

   Instant proof appeared while I was writing this. My youngest grandson, siting beside me on the sofa, began struggling with a toy. "I wanna be six so I can fix this," he said. He is four. 

   When do we know we have climbed enough stairs & it is time to rest? Michelangelo answered with his last words: "I am still learning."

-Erie Chapman

Photograph by Erie.

You Are Your Character - Days 157-161

   At 13, I joined millions in reading, Profiles in Courage, by John F. Kennedy & Ted Sorenson. The premise was universal & inspiring: Stick with your principles even if you offend others.

   Naively, I wondered why everyone would not d0 that. As Richard Bach wrote, “Reputation is what people think you are. Character is who you really are."

   Real life is reversed. Most choose popularity & promotion over character. Consider politicians who took logical positions to ban assault weapons & flipped because a crowd booed. 

   When Peter Drucker wrote: "Culture eats strategy for breakfast" he meant successful plans face tough going against cultural opposition. The best leaders persist. 

    Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi & Susan B. Anthony anchored their character to buck popular opinion. Each one suffered.

    Too few are the caregivers who paint portraits in courage by refusing doctor's orders they know are wrong & by staff brave enough to report bosses for illegal or unethical behavior.

   It is tough to practice Radical Loving Care^® in the face of certain policies. Awhile back a husband drove to a large-hospital ER. His RN wife was so stricken with chest pain he could not lift her through the door. A nurse grabbed a wheelchair.

   "No, wheelchairs outside the ER entrance!" a manager shouted. 

   Ignoring her, the nurse served the patient. Facing a write-up, the nurse said, "I did what I knew was right."

   We need to know where to draw the line & how to be diplomatic & firm. But how often have we gone along to get ahead & felt pieces of our souls breaking off & floating away?  

-Erie Chapman 

To support this Journal visit: www.eriechapmanfoundation.net . THANK YOU!

Days 150-154 - A Fascinating Comparison

[NOTE: The following essay is by my son Tyler, a Boston trial attorney, Harvard graduate, member of Erie Chapman Foundation Board, husband and father of three. His subject touches our health & safety & is appropriate for Memorial Day.]

“Jarts,” or lawn darts with sharp metal tips, have been banned in the US since 1988. People sometimes post pictures of Jarts (something so obviously dangerous as to be comical) under captions about how “we survived the 70’s.” We think we were lucky to survive such unregulated dangers. 

Question: How many children were killed by metal-tip lawn darts before they were banned?
Answer: One.

The father of that one victim – 7-year-old Michelle Snow – advocated so effectively for the outright ban of lawn darts that they became illegal only 18 months after Michelle’s death. 

Lawn darts are not guns. Guns are thousands of times worse. There was no “National Jarts Association,” either, to block progress.

I never worried once about mass school shootings as a kid in the 70’s. That’s because there were none – not a single mass murder of children in a primary or secondary school in the entire decade of the 1970’s.

Today my 7-year-old daughter is having an active shooter drill at her school.

-Tyler Chapman, M.Ed., J.D. 

"Be Stronger Than Your Strongest Excuse" - Days 143-147

 

EXCUSES vs. EXPLANATIONS

   It is a tee shirt quote I had never seen. Alan Maiccon's wrote, “Be stronger than your strongest excuse. Be greater than your most negative voice."

   Hospitals have a factual excuse for current staff shortages. But most complained before COVID hit.

   "Yes, I know Sarah makes mistakes but she's so compassionate,” one Chief Nursing Officer told me in 2018, ignoring Sarah was hurting patients.

   “But he's brilliant with a scalpel,” one OR director told me to excuse an instrument-throwing surgeon who terrorized nurses.   

   You may hear explanations but never excuses at The Mayo Clinic, arguably the best medical center in the world. Their success turns on their culture, "The Mayo Way. To remain employed you must deliver excellence. "Ordinary" is intolerable.

"SET THE STANDARD"

   No patient wants "average." Sadly, that is what most hospitals deliver.

   That is why every leader should order Chris York's new book, Set the Standard, The Antidote to Average (Amazon, etc.) Read it, learn a new take on excellence & forward this essay to leaders you know. It signals why Community Health Systems CEO, Tim Hingtgen, recruited Chris from Baylor to head their Northwest Health (Arkansas) group of five hospitals. 

   Check his opening sentence, "Why get out of bed to be average?" If the answer is obvious why do so many ignore it?

   Our family's culture starts impacting us in infancy. Yes, many peak performers have overcome terrible early influences. But, generally, culture determines behavior & leaders determine culture. Look to the leader. 

    If physical therapy, dietary, or nursing is underperforming look at leadership. They have the biggest influence on morale.

SOLUTION

   Want to improve organizational performance? Read Chris' book & look to Radical Loving Care^®, the approach Chris infused into the cultures of both Baylor hospitals he led. Apply our Mother Test™ because it asks leaders one core question: Do you have any team member you would not want caring for your Mom?

   If so, retrain or remove them. Simultaneously, make your stars the standard. Thus elite performance becomes the norm, not the exception.

   What could matter more? The path to excellence itself begins improving patient care in small ways immediately.

   When the wind changes direction so do the ships that depend on it. 

   Be the wind. Use The Mother Test™. Your patients are counting on you. 

-Erie Chapman

A Hero Ten Feet Tall - Days 122-126

 The woman pictured is my hero. Her smile says who she is but not what she has been through. Born three years after me Martha's life delivered profound questions.

   By fourteen I was six feet one. Why was my sister two feet shorter?

   None of us chooses to be born, much less who our parents will be. Why did life deliver a typically developing body to my older sister, our youngest sibling & me but not to Martha? 

   Why has she always been cheerful while I sometimes struggle with depression? How did she bring so much joy to thousands at The Toledo Hospital when her caregiver job was Information Desk clerk, not doctoring, nursing or leading?

   Starting early, Martha faced endless insults. My childhood fistfights were to defend her. She is a reason I exchanged words for punches & became a trial lawyer.

   Nevertheless, the tormented suffer alone. 

   Everyone loves Martha. That love poured forth when she hit a hard chapter. At seventy-five, walking & balance became unbearable. She confronted what many with Achondroplastic dwarfism face: spinal stenosis that compresses nerves & threatens mobility.

   On April 22, Martha endured major back surgery. Her condition made the process harrowing.

   The surgery lasted an hour longer, the neurosurgeon drilled into her spine & nicked it (a relatively common risk) triggering a spinal fluid leak & the awful sequelae of excruciating headaches. 

   Meanwhile, after decades of preaching Radical Loving Care^® but untrained at one on one physical care my bluff was called. At her request, I flew to Toledo to join her & stayed with her 24/7 including three nights in the hospital sleeping in a chair & three days at her home. Then my sister, Ann, took the baton.

   Gladly, Martha has a spectacular platoon of friends. Some bring food, some drive, others care for her dog, all, including her wonderful minister, pray with her & one couple includes an occupational therapist & her husband who are redesigning her home to accommodate her new restrictions.  

   Anyone who seeks empathy with professional caregivers must live through several shifts with them. Regardless, leaders must care for caregivers. Shockingly, none of the fifteen or twenty staff that worked with my sister knew of, or had seen, the hospital CEO!

   The rest of Martha's story proves that every leader must offer competent & compassionate presence or be removed. 

  Happily, our family's support for Martha shows in a line our dad often repeated: "Martha, you are ten feet tall." 

   And so she is to everyone who looks past her height & sees the depth of her gorgeous heart. 

-Erie Chapman

Photos: Martha, home & hospital by Erie

The Radiance of the Afterlife - Days 105-109

 Three decades ago I was sitting in an airport with John Stringer, then CEO of Hartford Hospital. Although he seemed a concrete thinker I took a chance: "What is the best near death story you've heard?" I asked

   You & I have heard dozens. John shared one that knocked me over.

   "One afternoon an out-of-state woman was brought into the ER following a turnpike crash. She 'flat-lined' & died," he said. "The doctors were about to give up when she opened her eyes.

   "I floated above my body & saw all of you working on me," the patient related to ER staff. Having heard such stories they just nodded. 

   "Wait," she said sensing their doubt. "A doctor came in wearing a brown cardigan sweater."

   In fact, a Dr. Johansen, dressed that way, had entered to help after the patient flat-lined. 

   "Then," she continued, "I floated up above the [ten story] hospital." Here's the clincher: "There is a single red tennis shoe up on the roof," she insisted. 

   Security was dispatched to the locked area. There it was. Not a pair of tennis shoes but a single red one lying on its side in the gravel.

   The woman added her report of "The dazzling white light" before returning to earth. 

   John verified that the woman had never been to Hartford much less to that hospital.    

   Does this account counter the idea that our dying brains simply concoct pictures? How could a body-based brain detach itself to witness something from far above itself?  

   We all want to believe that the sequel to body's death is our soul's arrival into the full energy of God's heavenly light. Many accept this on faith. This story shored up my occasionally wavering belief.

   God's otherworldly Light awaits us...and remains.

Rev. Erie Chapman

Photoart - The Light (c) Erie Chapman 2016

The Power of a Rare Word - Days 98-102

  In 2017, as he approached sixty, a dear friend decided to become a lawyer. In 2021 he emerged successful. One last "bar" remained between "lawyer" (one who knows law) & "attorney" (one who practices it.)

   Today, I learned a new word. "Anneal" means: "To heat metal or glass and allow it to cool slowly, ...to remove internal stresses and toughen it." The context was Mark Twain's Mississippi River training to become a steamboat captain. 

   Law school heats the "metal" of every student. Preparation for the dreaded bar examination supposedly provides "slow cooling" (or more heat) to toughen lawyers before licensing.

   On his first try at the the exam my friend fell six points short. Dismayed but not deterred he tried again. This time, he "missed" by two points.

   He can definitely pass this damnable exam. He will try again, right?

   His annealing may lead him the opposite way. 

   A truth emerged after his two trips through fire. "I'm more poet than prosecutor," he wrote. "...despite years of classroom exposure [I] did not develop the desire [to work in courtrooms.]"

   My friend knows himself. His integrity, compassion & intelligence are profound. Yet, he ended his note quoting Ringo Starr, "Peace & Love."

   After a career in courtrooms as an attorney & in hospitals as leader I can verify that courtrooms foster conflict not peace & host revenge more often than love. 

   Both arenas need my friend's tough & tender heart. So I wrote to him,"Courtrooms need you. You do not need them." 

   So it is with hospitals. Healing needs, but often fails to attract, caregivers that practice Radical Loving Care^® so they can deliver that rare gift living beyond our struggles: Peace.

   The path to that lit serenity requires no licensing.

-Erie Chapman

"Serenity's Light" - Erie Chapman, 2021

In One Word, Who Are You? - Journal Days 91-95

   People say about their lives, "I could write a book..." But few do. 

   Instead of a book, how about one word or sentence about who you are?  Dr. Terry Chapman, my cousin & occasional weekend Journal contributor, posed that question to himself & we ask it to you.   

The first word he used is perfect: "Affable." Terry defines that trait. The moment you meet him you would agree. His kind presence instantly generates warmth.

   Only four years into this world, single words are often used to describe my youngest grandson. Covered with snow he is "Joyful." More commonly, he is labeled as was I at that age: "Wild."

   A group leader asked each member of my hospital leadership group to pick a personal trait as their last name. My choice was "Erie Laughter," the characteristic I often enjoy in others.

   One word is never enough. However, I do like referring to our regular Journal contributor, Liz Wessel, with one word that describes her life, presence & power: "Saint."

   Being one, she declines the title. Anyone who says, "I am a saint" is not. 

   Inadequate as it may be, others routinely label us with wrong words. Now you can imagine changing your last name using the trait that best describes you & to invite others to do the same.

-Erie Laughter

Photo: Reed Chapman at 4, by Jen Chapman

Memories of Work & Waves

[This updated post first appeared March, 2009 - Special thanks to the RMH Alum site for nurturing memories]

A man, yet by these tears a little boy again,
Throwing myself on the sand, confronting the waves,...
   -Walt Whitman (1819-1892) from "I Sing The Body Electric"

    I grew up, like some of our readers, near the Pacific, "throwing myself on the sand, confronting the waves" and now have the great chance to do the same, once again. This time it is by the Atlantic, where I encounter the waves with my tiny granddaughter and wonder what storms she will meet.
   Most caregivers live their careers between the coasts, confronting and healing the waves of pain that wash over others. Along the way, I wonder how many of us pause to reflect upon our memories of work?
   Each of us lives so much of our lives in our jobs rather than at home. When our work reaches its end or reaches, what will you remember? Will you recall the joys of working alongside friends? Which patients will stand out in your recollection?
   When I was a little boy playing by the ocean, I dreamed of one day doing important things. What I think of as important now is different from what I conjured in my boyhood imagination. As Whitman writes:

   From those beginning notes of yearning and love there in
      the mist,
   From the thousand responses of my heart never to cease,...
   From the word stronger and more delicious than any,
   From such as now they start the scene revisiting,..

   Behind closed eyes it was easy to revisit my first days as a hospital leader. I see the associate nursing director, Marian Hamm, greeting me in a hallway at Toledo's former Riverside Hospital in 1975.
   Now, in the blink of an eye, she retired, edged into illness & died at 82. What Marian and I discussed in her later years was not the daily census or staff morale. Instead, we reminisced  about characters who amazed us; about battles with doctors; about disputes and scandals; how we handled several emergencies, and, best, what made us laugh.
   Most of all, we revel in the fact that we took our power and used it to influence the lives of others for the better through cultures of loving care. I am so grateful we made that choice and changed the lives of thousands. 
   One day, if you are lucky, you will have the time to reflect on your confrontations with the waves that informed your work. 
   Meanwhile, as Whitman wrote,

   I, chanter of pains and joys, uniter of here and hereafter,... A reminiscence sing.

   What specifics will you remember most about your work life?

-Erie Chapman

Photo by Erie

The Less Romantic Body

   The body is a mystery to children. They fill in blanks with guesses, turn to adults for answers & often do not get any.

   My little kid notions of the body were romantic.  As a young man I knew what I wanted from my body: To be athletic, smart, a leader & able to appeal to the other sex.

   By college, I knew how my male body worked & little about my fascinating sexual counterparts. My body was prose. A woman's, to me, was poetry.

   Most romantics dislike body-as-machine thinking.  But at nineteen, my body literally turned against me. My doctor predicted that my auto-immune disease would destroy my body by forty. 

   Now nearly twice that age I am grateful for excellent health & his error. 

   My artist's belief in the female figure as the source of beauty remains. But age plus forty years in healthcare has demystified my romantic notions about my physical self. As age steals life's length the eternal spiritual takes center stage & the path to that through art appeals.   

   David Whyte is America's best ambassador between earth & soul. I hate that so many people, especially professional caregivers, ignore his work's (& other's) ability to heal.   

   Ironically, sister-in- law, Karen Updike, one of America's finest poets, is married to a different breed of healer. Stuart Updike, M.D. invented the famous, life-saving, Dexcom system for diabetics but ignores poetry. There is little chance you know Karen's work because even the best poets play bit parts. 

   Karen's book, Off Riding (1989 Fireweed Press), was her first. If you have ventured out alone on horse, boat or hike & wished you could find words to describe your experience here are some, presented without those crucial but scary-to-many line breaks:  

   "Gladly I live in the presence of things undone, or how could I see these fields, yellow more and more, or these hills, indigo blue? I would miss storm clouds roiling like this tangle of mane beneath my hand, the bright spurt of speed as we race toward the elm. Red baneberry would languish unseen; I would never have considered the possibilities of green."

   Poetry presides at the marriage of mortality to heaven by baptizing the soul of the body romantic. (Click below for my reading of Off Riding's 1st poem.)

KAREN'S POETRY - Off Riding #1 - from Chip

-Erie Chapman  

Alone - Days 66-70

   "We are alone," Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky said back on February 25th. Two weeks later over 2000 Ukrainians who were alive are dead. Countless others will join them.

   Millions are experiencing another kind of loneliness. Imagine yourself a single, 75 year old woman dragging your roller bag across rough terrain around a wrecked bridge. No family. No money. No food. Your enemy's presence felt with bombs that destroy your home & kill your sister.  

   Surrounded by thousands also fleeing, you may feel alone. You may also feel lonely. 

   The power responsible for your isolation & the massive suffering surrounding you is a single man, Vladimir Putin. He alone can stop the war he started.

   Who can halt this Goliath? The most unlikely of "David's"(a stand-up comic two and half years ago) has emerged from world anonymity. With Churchillian eloquence & an electrifying presence, Mr. Zelensky has not only eased his country's isolation but has rallied the entire world to his cause. 

   What could this have to do with caregiving? Everything.

   Sometimes we prefer to be alone. "Left alone" names a condition we dread.    

   Loneliness longs for healing. It is a a common symptom of illness. Agony, acute or chronic, casts sufferers into darkness. No one understands their pain.

   Caregivers hold Zelensky-like potential to counter the Goliath of pain. They can apply the bandage of their healing touch, the warmth of their smile, the relief provided by loving presence. 

   John Thompson M.D., a veteran doctor, found himself a patient for the first time. He was admitted to Nashville's Baptist Hospital when I was President.

   "How was your stay?" I asked him post discharge. 

   "Fine. Mostly because of a single caregiver." he said with a smile.

   "Which nurse?" I asked, withdrawing my pen.

   "Not a nurse, a housekeeper," he answered. "It was her presence. Every time she appeared I felt better...less lonely. I never would have guessed she would be my best caregiver."

-Erie Chapman

   

Days 59-63 Tedious Ambition vs. Ambition to Serve

   Leadership, whether of a country or of a nursing unit, can be healing. It becomes poisonous when infected with distorted ambition.

   Once again, the timeless wisdom of David Whyte (left) comforts & strengthens: "Ambition left to itself...always becomes tedious, its only object the creation of larger and larger empires of control..."

   Gladly, there is an antidote for this tedium. Whyte's teaches that our best energy arrives when we realize that "...a true vocation calls us out beyond ourselves; breaks our heart in the process and then humbles, simplifies and enlightens us about the hidden, core nature of the work that entices us in the first place."

   Ambition informed by compassion & justice is among humanity's finer energies. This version of ambition motivated Jesus to walk among enemies, love them & spread that very love by sacrificing his life for ours.  

   The best leaders in healthcare always appeal to the best in us. These are the people who show by word & example that caregiving is a calling, not a power grab. 

   The worst leaders wield Fear not Love. So much trouble is caused by males raised to value dominance over munificence.     

   That is why I often suggest that hospitals would be better served if more women were leaders, or if the men that are would balance toxic competitiveness with enlightened strength. 

   Whyte offers the best coda: "A true vocation always metamorphoses both ambition and failure into compassion and understanding for others."

-Erie Chapman

Days 52-56 - The Only Stories You Control

 Troubled by math in first grade, I asked mom for help. "We Chapman's aren't good at math," she said. 

   Suddenly, doing well at math seemed as impossible as a changing my eye color. That story played in my head, blocking improvement.

   Strangely, we make self-destructive mistakes everyday. We forget that we can change those stories. And are the only ones that can! 

   Every life coach encourages us to detoxify our lives by reconsidering old narratives. Engage compassion and, most important, offer the benefit of a doubt. 

   Once, during a speech, I noticed a caregiver asleep in the back row. Afterwards, I talked with her supervisor.

   "Gladys is great," he told me. "She is the soul caregiver for five children and her sick mom. That shooting in her neighborhood last night murdered her sleep."

   My "facts?": "Gladys fell asleep at work. Is she a lazy caregiver?" Then the "facts" changed. I had failed to engage a vital human gift: The benefit of the doubt. 

   Fifteen years ago a friend ended a quarter century relationship with her best friend.

   "Why?" I asked. 

   "She made a bad comment about my son."

   One comment poisoned years of intimacy. She made it worse by trashing her former pal as someone she, "always thought was a narcissistic phony." That story-telling still blocks reconciliation. Who suffered? 

   Acid corrodes the container. And we all allow terrible self-stories to erode well being & healing. 

   Decades after my mom's innocent pronouncement I looked anew at math, changed my own toxic story & learned to interpret complex hospital financial statements.

   Still, countless bad stories play in my head & break my heart. David Whyte writes in Consolations, "Heartbreak is the natural outcome of caring for people and things over which we have no control."

   Demonizing others kills healing. It's hard to let go of control, accept human frailty & forgive. Change begins when we recognize stories that need new light.

   Everyone of them can be reinterpreted. And only we can do it. It is part of living love, not fear. 

-Erie Chapman 

Lust, Romance, Enduring Love...Days 45-49

   Because it was Valentine's Eve, CBS Sunday Morning featured Cupid. One expert addressed romance in three stages: "Lust, Romance, Loving Attachment," he said. 

   That last stage is the challenging one, of course, because every rose has thorns. It happens when a couple nurtures their relationship beyond the thrill of lust and the joys of romance & enters the realm that matters most.

   It means a couple forges a bond that overcomes days when they dislike each other; when they are focused primarily on what is wrong with their partner. They may think they "hate" the one they once loved. But they hang on hoping love is like the weather & the season will change. 

   If they restore love & stay together, how? Why?

   There are good answers. None are easy.

   The parallels with careers follow the same stages. If you are living your calling you began caregiving with such passion that you were excited to start work each day. Next, as you learned the job you formed a kind of romance with it.

   Eventually, fatigue may settle in. Routines become monotonous. Patient's problems, co-worker complaints & leader's nit-picking erode passion once felt. 

   Is this is classic burnout, curable with a break or a warning signal? 

   Whether the relationship is with a person or your career, we now come face to face with the depth of our love. Obviously, some couples need too separate and some caregivers need to change jobs.

   But most people give up too easily. If the the job (or the partner) is your right match then enduring attachment emerges. A new, more mature romance will appear.

   My favorite example emerged during lunch with two veteran obstetricians. One said, "I love delivering babies. Hope I can do it to retirement." The other said, "I chose medicine because it was something I could do."

   The second doctor retired as early. Last time I saw the first doctor I asked if, after thirty years, he still loved delivering babies. 

   "Delivered two last night and two this morning," he answered. "Every time mom & baby are healthy, it feels like Christmas."

-Erie Chapman

Water Color: "Rose #1"  Marian Lokvam, 1994

"Loving" or "Right"- Days 38-42

 The line, delivered on the popular show, Ted Lasso, rattled my soul. Not because it was new but because it struck at one of my worst weaknesses.

   The words came in an exchange between the show's female football team owner & her mother (Harriet Walter, pictured):

   "Why didn't you stand up to dad more?" the daughter challenges.

   "I thought it was better to be loving than right," the mom responds. 

   "I need to be right," you may be thinking. But, have you ever found yourself winning an argument only to be greeted with resentment?

   Loving relationships are never about one person being a winner & the other a loser.  Love & logic are antithetical. 

   Before being called to hospital leadership I was trial attorney. My success in court was exceptional. Maybe too much so.My courtroom goal was to win over a jury, not the opposing attorney. Outside court, such "winning" strains friendships. 

   Any attorney who has told his wife to, "Just answer yes or no," instantly discovers that lawyer's tactics are disastrous outside court.  Has anyone ever thought of you as loving when you say, "See, I was right!" 

   Caregivers often succumb to the trap of being "right" versus "loving." Making the right choices for patients can be crucial. Fear of being wrong haunts the conscientious. 

   What does Love advise? Arrogance is a form of bullying. The only way to be both loving and right is to practice both wisdom & kindness.   

   It begins if, amid every disagreement, I ask myself one question: Would I rather be loving or right? 

-Erie Chapman

Photograph: Film Still   

Did Jesus Laugh? (Days 24-28)

    Many wonder what might be missing from the  book we were raised to believe was both sacred & perfect, the Bible. As a kid, & even after my ordination in 2009, I was confused by a number of aspects. For example, why do men hog most of the Bible's key roles? We make up only half the population & have caused virtually all wars!

   There is another truth the current Bible wrongly excluded.  Where is the humor? Did Jesus lack laughter, a trait common to every great leader?

   Wit is basic to humility so Jesus must have had it. 

   The answer may have been hidden by the exclusive, men-only group who assembled the books of the New Testament more than three centuries after Jesus' crucifixion.  

   At the command of Emperor Constantine, these men met at The Council of Nicea in 325 A.D. They picked every book of the Testament simultaneously excluding several other gospels & texts for various reasons. Constantine then endorsed the decision, ordered those in his empire to become Christian & to use the new Bible as their "field guide."

   Expanding our understanding of Jesus' humanity requires consulting gnostic writings including the Gospel of Judas. (fragment circa 220 A.D.)

   Do not be put off by Judas' name. Many believe he got a bad rap. That he betrayed Jesus because he was commanded by Jesus to do so in order to fulfill prophesies about the Messiah.*

   Judas had eyewitness credibility. The gospel that bears his name contains this revelation in Verse 36 (decontextualized):

"His disciples said to him, 'Lord, what great generation is better and holier than us, that's not in these realms?'"

"Now when Jesus heard this, he laughed. He said to them, 'Why are you wondering in your hearts about the strong and holy generation?'"

   My point is not to engage an academic argument but to offer proof of an essential quality of, arguably, the greatest leader in history: That he laughed. This excluded gospel is the only text verifying that.

   Jesus laughed. Thank God. 

-Reverend Erie Chapman

*Across 2007 & 2008 under the name Dane Dakota, I wrote a short story & play (performed in two cities) & then an award-winning feature film called "Who Loves Judas?" available via Amazon

** Cf Journal of Sacred Work, March 27, 2017 

 

 

The Mona Alternative - Days 17-21

   Who is this? Not the Mona Lisa we are used to seeing but another version painted by Leonardo DaVinci. He does not portray Lisa del Giocondo, the original subject, but a different model, Pacifica Brandano.

   This gorgeous creation is the second and only other verified "Lisa." But among the most interesting facts is that hidden beneath the surface of the masterpiece we now know Leonardo had painted some stunning prior versions. 

   Do harried caregivers care? Since western civilization still considers the Mona Lisa the best expression of beauty on canvas could Mona relieve some of our daily suffering?  

   Without Beauty, life is not worth living. Modern civilization, computerized, industrialized, terrorized, has put Beauty, and thus our lives, at risk. 

   Years ago John O'Donohue sounded the alarm. "...all the contemporary crises can be reduced to a crisis about the nature of beauty."

   All we need do is look around to realize his statement is increasingly true. This time it is not limited to wars or even to the pandemic or political issues. 

   To a stunning degree, Beauty has become dispensable to most. 

   The ancient Greeks understood Beauty. So did the population of Florence, Italy during the Renaissance. 

   Do we no longer have time? Have we forgotten what she looks like?

   There is nothing new about ugliness but the noise of it today is overwhelming.

   Beauty does not shout. Its murmurings live in our soul. It requires slow listening to hear her sweetest whispers. 

   For those who think they are too busy Rumi offers the best of advice. "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. 

   Amid the suffering caregivers confront there is beauty. Kneel in humility & you will find it.

-Erie Chapman

   

BEST CARE'S MAGIC KEY! - Days 10-14

I. Magic At The Door

   Liz Wessel, quoted Dietrich Bonhoeffer this weekend: "Jesus is standing at the door. He lives in the form of a human being among us."

   The second sentence is more important than the first. Whether you believe in Jesus, there is magic key nearby now. It is not in a lock box held by someone looking like Jesus.

   The most important thing I have learned in fifty years of leadership? You have this magic key & can use it to unlock power in others. 

   I have used this key so consistently that it amazes me that everyone does not use it. It also surprised me when I forget it. 

   Healers are magicians that do not use tricks. They awaken Love's natural energy in others. 

   Effective appreciation requires a potion: truth mixed with sincerity. 

   Find something good about another. It may be as simple as complimenting their smile. It may be more complex like recognizing potential someone did not believe they had until you named it. 

II. The Impatient Patient vs. The Harried Caregiver

   For decades I have trained leaders to care for caregivers. What if I am the patient? 

   If I become an impatient patient (as I have done) my chance of better care drops. Here are examples of what works:

   My nurse is slow answering a call light & I say, "You must be so busy & tired. Thank you for coming & I'm sorry you have to clean up the sheets I stained."

   While they are cleaning up I say, "Seeing you at the door was like seeing an angel." 

   You must feel this to say it. Absent sincerity the key will not work. 

   What if they say, "If I am that good they should pay me better." I say, "You are worth a million dollars."

   Is there a time to turn tough-minded? If I conclude my caregiver is more devil than angel I enlist diplomatic allies to speak privately with a supervisor. 

   The key in your hand is colored with kindness & made of steel. If you think the caregiver is a danger, write a fact-based note to the Chief Executive Officer. 

  Follow up & ask others to join you. 

   The Mother Test™ I use requires zero tolerance for caregivers acting incompetent or cruel & affirmation for Radical Loving Care^®. 

   Meanwhile, God is at the door. Invite Love in. 

-Erie Chapman 

Magic Key image from "A Morning Think" blog post.

   

   

DAM THE COVID RIVER! - Days 3-7

   Across three decades, two hospitals founded by different faiths gave me the chance to lead them. Both shared the same name. The first, Riverside (Episcopal), flanked the wide & mighty Maumee River in Toledo. The second, Riverside Methodist in Columbus, towers over the narrow-flowing Olentangy.  

   Initially, I expected hospitals close to water. Both were set back where the ground was firmer & risks of overflow from river into Riverside's were minimized. 

   Riverside is a fine name for a center of healing. The eternal image of flowing water feels healing.

   The third part of poet Linda Gregerson's poem, Waterborne, begins with language helpful in the wake of the winter solstice, "Turning of the season, and the counter-/ turn/ from ever-longer darkness into light,..."

   Then, "...and look: the river lifts to its lover the sun/ in eddying/ layers of mist..." Followed by a warning: "...as though/ we hadn't irreparably fouled the planet/ after all."

   We foul our planet in avoidable ways. Metaphorically, some swim in a river polluted by a virus &, because they refuse vaccine's protections, overflow into our hospitals forcing exhausted caregivers, family & friends, to care for them. 

   Yes, sometimes the virus breaks-through the vaccine. But two truths are clear: 1) A massive majority of intensive care patients are unvaccinated, 2) It is increasingly rare for vaccinated patients to be hospitalized. 

   Millions can make this new year better for everyone, especially caregivers. They can dam the COVID river & keep it from overflowing into hospitals by choosing vaccinations.  

   Gregerson understands: "The vapors draft their languorous/ excurses on/ a liquid page. Better than the moment is/ the one it has in mind."

   May "the moment...in mind" be one that brings relief to each caregiver committed to Radical Loving Care^®. 

-Erie Chapman

Photo: Rushing River by Erie 2020