"The way you know you've been in a relationship a long time is that you have the same argument over and over," Prince Rainier said.
Careers are like that too. We want harmony at work, too, but have the same arguments repeatedly with long time colleagues.
I have been lucky in both places - especially during my 12 years at Riverside Methodist.
Of the thousands I have worked with over my ridiculously diverse career, the woman pictured is the finest partner ever. Without her, my life would have failed.
My older sister, Ann, nailed it: "Of all your decisions, Chip (my nickname), marrying Kirsten was absolutely the best!"
She is a natural caregiver. The word empathy was created to describe the texture of how some respond to other's pain and joy. "Sympathy" was inadequate. When a Riverside leader's wife got breast cancer Kirsten rose many dawns to drive a basket flowers to her front door. I have never met anyone who is so genuinely pleased by other's success and so deeply stunned when they are hurting. When people what my wife does, I say, "She is a full time caregiver for every family and friend she knows."
Millions may do that. Kirsten is rare because her empathy creates exquisite sensitivity.
Spouses of leaders get "stuck" having to attend endless events. Whenever she arrived separately, my energy always shot up when she entered the room.
We met at Northwestern sixty years ago. The third daughter of a doctor and a school teacher she began her career as a teacher before I began mine as a trial attorney. Later, for twenty-one years, she penned a human interest columnist for The Columbus Dispatch. Twice, she was picked Ohio's best.
We came from great families. It was predictable that she would be a world class spouse and parent. She thought I would be too. But I am unpredictable as a tornado.
My bizarre diversity of interests has made me a dizzying partner: healthcare, trial law, t.v. and radio shows, book-writing, prison ministry, and a passionate commitment to filmart, poetry and music composition...
Kirsten has never been a pushover. "Okay, Mr. Radical Loving Care," she has sometimes said when I get irritable.
Whenever I changed jobs, she was steadfast. Opportunities came to us because of her quietly magic presence. The startling success of kids and grandkids is traceable to her. Her friends are legion and loyal.
Every crisis I faced, murders, hostages, hospital bankruptcies and more, she faced also. Each time I was hospitalized for Crohn's disease, or, more recently, suffered depression, she suffered with me...and cared for me like an angel.
Her resiliency is a miracle.
We want love in marriages and work. Perseverance, laughter and courage. Celebration, support and inspiration.
We hope for stability but know that we can be fired from marriage or job.
I have been fired from jobs. But never where the heart lives - at home.
Gratitude is a small word for Kirsten's great gift. Her modesty is such that she is unlikely to see this tribute.
But I want you to know. She has been and continues to be the best.
I hope you have found that in your partner as well.
-Erie Chapman
Photo: Kirsten at 74
