Journal of Sacred Work

"The Complete Book of Caregiving"

Like any good poem, joke or aphorism, the best cartoons say so much with so little. Thank you New Yorker cartoonist, "Warp,"*  Thank you, older-but-looks-younger sister, Ann, for spotting this and sending it with the note: "Right down your alley, Chip" (my nickname.)

If there is more to say, it would be that empathy for caregivers is why this Journal is dedicated to you. At its best, we feature stories that honor your sacrifices and help the general public understand why you might become deeply tired.

Every job can generate fatigue. The best caregivers experience many layers of exhaustion. Beyond the physical comes the cascading emotional toll on those that deliver Radical Loving Care^®. 

One story highlights a solo caregiver's challenge: loneliness. My brother-in-law, Chris Lokvam, now suffers with a Parkinson's-like condition that renders him paralyzed and imprisoned in a chair 24-hours a day. His wife is the single caregiver 95% of the time.

Imagine Jackie's life through the lens of this heart-searing specific: She is called on every 20 minutes of every hour, day and night, to rise and reposition Chris or help him "shuffle" a few feet. 

Sure, she could write a book were she not profoundly exhausted down to the bone.

Thank you Jackie. Thank you Mr. Warp, for helping caregivers smile by wrapping a powerful truth inside a brilliant cartoon.

-Erie Chapman

*Educational Use copyright exception

**Yes. We are part of a family and friends effort to secure help for Jackie and Chris. 

 

Just for you!

"Feeling particularly cranky because of the unbearable heat and humidity, I was ready to pick a fight with anybody I encountered on my walk to a drugstore on the Upper West Side. So I was ready to put my mental fighting gloves on as I approached a building superintendent who was blasting the sidewalk ahead of me with a hose. Angry thoughts whirled through my head: Why do they have to do this in the middle of the day rather than early in the morning when there is less foot traffic? If I had an expensive pair of shoes on, they would get ruined. (I didn’t, but still …)

Just as I was thinking the super hadn’t noticed me and wasn’t going to bother turning off the hose so I could pass, he abruptly shut the water off and,with a broad smile, bowed deeply. “See,” he said with his arms outstretched, “I made the sidewalk beautiful just for you!”
~ Cathy Bernard

Didyou ever have a day like this, where you are just feeling cross and unduly cranky? I guess we all have at one time or another. I just love the twist  and surprise of this stroy. Did it bring a smile to your face? It did mine! What a delightful man! Reflecting on how I might respond, I'd like to imagine that I would run up to him, throw my arms around him and give him a big hug! Walking on with a big smile and a desire to brighten someone else's day. We all thrive on moments like this one that shake us from our the story that is swirling around in our head. And then we are awakened to the goodness and beauty that is all around us, if we are open to receive the blessing.

Fred Rogers offers this insight, "At the center of the Universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything that we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds. Life is for service."

Shared by Liz Sorensen Wessel
Artwork by ~liz

 

Finding Joy in Mixed "Realities"?

An advantage of early childhood is fantastical thinking. Santa, for example. Encroaching adulthood explodes those fantasies. 

I once found it peaceful to imagine a Christmas where Santa Claus' sleigh glided through the night sky overflowing with presents. If you thought like that, did you feel tricked when you found out there was no Santa? 

That news struck me hard enough so that, at 8, I asked my dad, "If Santa is fake, what about God?"

In my artwork, I've been creating fantastical "worlds" ever since. It is a way to reclaim joy.

Surreal art, where recognizable things are rearranged and fantasized, can open new pathways to peace. I made a mixed media video  for you ((revised from a prior posting) using sites like rain falling on roses and the glorious back yard of a rich Massachusetts estate* in ways I hope bring you delight.

Click Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOzbblQIXdk

-Erie Chapman

*The Crain Estate (altered), now open to the public. 

The Way of One

The Way of One

We do make a difference.

One heart and one life at a time.

We seek to remember that blessing comes in meeting the authentic call of the moment with greater compassion.

There are always inner voices that focus on what is wrong in ourselves, in others, and in our world.

There are always opportunities to act unkindly. But each moment offers us the opportunity to step into our freedom with greater awareness.

 The Way of One is a Way of deep compassion, healing, and forgiveness.    

It's a choice we are challenged to make again and again.

~Rabbi Ted Falcon

There is such wisdom contained in Rabbi Ted Falcon’s expression. Sometimes the overwhelming great need of our world can create a sense of hopelessness. Or what can I do to make a difference? This is why I find his message so heartening and hope-filled. We do make a difference. Our smile at a passerby, a stranger could offer a seed of hope in someone who feels excluded. The smile we offer is as healing for us as for them, equal in blessing, equal in Love, are we Sparks of the Divine, for we are one.

Liz Sorensen Wessel
Butterfly by ~liz

What Sparked Joy Today?

“Many of us have made our world so familiar that we do not see it anymore," the great John O'Donohue writes.

He adds a delightful challenge: "An interesting question to ask yourself at night is, What did I really see this day?”

Ever since, the energy in my always searching eyes has been even more alert to sudden moments that spark joy.

One struck today. A new friend fell from the sky into my eyes. He appeared first as a flame, acrobating the air as a tip of lightning. Then a flying leaf. Finally, a brilliant, solid yellow butterfly.

Botanists call them "yellow sulfur" butterflies. I call them sparks of joy.

Odd as it sounds coming from a tough, 80-year old former trial lawyer and hospital CEO who spent his career in florescent-lit battlefields, this little fellow with the always sun-drenched wings, who flitted by and vanished in a second, did something for me. He sparked joy.

When I slip into bed tonight and ask myself "What did I really see this day?" my dashing flash of a yellow friend will again ignite light in my heart.

Click here to see a 30 second video I made for you from online clips. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=926j-8DbyyM

What sparked joy for you today?  

-Erie Chapman

The blurry pictures and video YouTube prove that these beings are, well, sparks. 

Does Blame Block Forgiveness?

Every caregiver encounters them. "Bedpan throwers," are a great test to professionalism.

Is it similar for parents with an "unruly" child? Problem children suck an enormous amount of family energy. The following sounds common but is unusually dramatic. 

Nearly six decades ago, two of our oldest friends introduced us to their beautiful children, "James" and "Johnny." James grew up well-behaved and successful. Johnny? A nightmare. 

Johnny became a drug addict. Horrified, his parents poured enormous resources into interventions and professional help.

They continued to flood both sons with love. Especially Johnny because, as his mom said, "He seemed to need so much more love while James was fine."

Across decades, Johnny whiplashed in and out of rehab and jail. Like the father in "The Prodigal Son," they forgave but tried to be firm. 

Al-Anon advised, "Keep your prodigal son at a loving distance." But, Johnny had a fatal gift: huge charm.

One Christmas Eve, he showed up unexpectedly. "I'm so sorry, mom and dad. May I join you?"

Swallowing hard, both parents said, "No." Yet, Johnny's charm prevailed. They had a happy evening.

Christmas' dawn delivered a shock. Johnny had stolen one of their cars and all their credit cards. 

One afternoon, the nightmare reached a conclusion. When Johnny's mom drove to check on him he was dead of a drug overdose.

Long before, Johnny's mother had found peace through a crucial understanding. "I forgave Johnny repeatedly. But, I could not forgive myself," she says, "until one day I realized: "Blame blocks forgiveness for me as well as him."

When a caregiver stops blaming a patient, a co-worker or anyone else, relief flows both way.  

-Erie Chapman

Painting: "The Prodigal Son," Pompeo Batoni, 1773

Music to Soothe the Soul

Music has an extraordinary power to create magical experiences that can make our spirits soar. l had one such experience years ago when I was working as a home health nurse. It was raining heavily and I was driving to see a patient and I was running a little late. As I pulled up to her location the rain was suddenly torrential. I was sitting in my car and this most beautiful classical music began playing. I was completely absorbed in listening and overwhelmed by the enchantment of the moment. Suddenly I was lifted from this drab grey day to a delightful moment of awe. I lingered for a few minutes and then reluctantly pulled myself back to the need to exit my car and get to my patient visit. That memory still lingers to this day as a fleeting but unforgettable moment in time.

What I love is how music can stir our emotions and bring up memories. When I listen to music from other cultures, I may not understand the words butit  still resonate with me at a heart and soul level.

Cellist/composer Joshua Roman shared some of his experiences of creating music in his documentary called "Drive." He offered this insight, “without telling the story of words, people can have similar experiences hearing a melody, and it doesn't depend on where you're from or what your background is, we have this unifying spirit inside of us. I'm not even sure you need ears to feel those things about music. There's just so much room and so much depth in the nuance of how we're affected by sound, there's no words, there's no colors, there's no picture, but there's melody and that makes us all feel a similar way.”

There are so many healing aspects of music that can be applied in healthcare. I know of caregivers who will bring their guitar into a patient’s home to play and sing for and/with them. These experiences create human connection in a beautiful and meaningful way.

My friend who has Alzheimer's has lost so much of her memory. Yet, she loves music and when hymns are played she happily sings along and knows all the words. Researchers are increasingly making discoveries on the healing power of music in relation to body, mind and spirit.  

At work you may wish to offer music at the onset of a meeting to allow those present to transition from the busyness of their day to pause and catch their breath while letting their souls catch up with them.

The following song is by Kris Farquhar, who created this music in honor of her father’s ancestral homeland, and she describes it as “a sound wave” back in time. So, let’s settle in to a comfortable position, taking a few deep breaths and may you be open to receiving this Gaelic blessing.

 

Shared by Liz Sorensen Wessel

What's in the Frame?

One of Nashville's most delightful locations is unconnected to country music. Cheekwood Gardens' 55 acres are flooded with an astonishing array of every kind of flower, plant and tree. Walk the forest behind its 30,000 square foot mansion and you will be greeted every so often by a world class sculpture.

The thing that fascinates me most, though, is not the framed paintings inside the mansion or the gardens without. It is a single empty gold frame. 

What is in the frame? Nothing...or everything. The blank space symbolizes what we cherish, Possibility, and thrills her companion, Imagination. 

Frames fascinate. They focus our attention and lend instant importance to their contents. Empty frames long for fulfillment. 

Artists see possibilities others miss. Among zillions of canvases and wood panels I sometimes wonder about one. It is 21" x 30" and once laid on a table in a 16th century Florence studio.

Blank it was worth a few cents. One day it was struck by lightning. A genius touched it. Today the DaVinci's "Mona Lisa" is visited by millions and is worth billions.

The years we have lived are already painted and framed. The years ahead? A blank canvas.

Paint them with love everyday and you will fashion masterpieces worth far more than that mysterious face framed at the Louvre. That is what caregivers do.  

That is what you can still do!

-Erie Chapman

*Many years ago, I saw the Mona Lisa in person along with hundreds of others and noticed something strange. There were a couple dozen other masterpieces hanging on adjoining walls: All beautiful. Each ignored. 

**And Leonardo's masterpiece was painted on a white poplar wood panel.  

For Love of the World

In a recent post by Erie, he shared  nurse Kathleen Grannan's inspiring call to "share a moment of really listening, really reaching across the divide, please do so...We owe it to our country to try."  In this spirit and in this season of celebrating and reverencing all of creation I offer this prayer. 

 God of all blessings, source of all life, giver of all grace:
We thank you for the gift of life:
for the breath that sustains life,
for the food of this earth that nurtures life,
for the love of family and friends without which there would be no life.

 We thank you for the mystery of creation:
for the beauty that the eye can see,
for the joy that the ear may hear,
for the unknown that we cannot behold filling the universe with wonder,
for the expanse of space that draws us beyond the definitions of our selves.

 We thank you for setting us in communities:
for families who nurture our becoming,
for friends who love us by choice,
for companions at work, who share our burdens and daily tasks,
for strangers who welcome us into their midst,
for people from other lands who call us to grow in understanding,
for children who lighten our moments with delight,
and who offer us hope for the future.

 We thank you for this day:
for life and one more day to love,
for opportunity and one more day to work for justice and peace,
for neighbors and one more person to love and by whom be loved,
for your grace and one more experience of your presence
for your promise: to be with us,
in every circumstance.

For these, and all blessings
In all that is holy and good. 

We say,
Amen.

- By Vienna Cobb Anderson (adapted)

Shared by Liz Sorensen Wessel

Mandala by ~liz

A Special Presentation for Caregivers

   How do we find rest? I created this special short film for your rest and refreshment...by taking you on a visit to water - especially the kind that cascades over cliffs.

Waterfalls do no laboring, have no bills, no worries or troubles. They do not even know their names. They just are. 

I stood so close to the falls to make some of these pictures that I could literally feel the electricity and power of the water as it crashed down. Thrilling.  

PLEASE CLICK ON THIS LINK (BELOW) so we know whether we are reaching you!

Happy Labor Day! :-)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NRSYyoxFYs

Thank you, 

Erie