Journal of Sacred Work & Radical Loving Care

Healing Distraction - A "New" Treatment for dementia! Days 259-263

   It happened with my dear mother-in-law. The scourge of Alzheimers. Scroll back to the weekend Journal for a revolutionary column by Liz Wessel. 

   Despite knowing the reason, the phenomena feels baffling: The person looks the same. But dementia has transformed them. An element of their being is different & requires different approaches. 

   "When is dinner?" Five minutes later, same question. Endlessly. 

   But why do so many become impatient & shout angrily, "I already answered that!"? Because no one offered the alternative described here. 

   It is exhausting to care for patients with dementia. Agonizing loneliness can ensue.

   Ministers encourage endurance. Poets offer aid, as did Emily Dickinson's under-appreciated friend, Anne Reeve Aldrich* (left): "A life of patient suffering, such as I am sure yours must be, dear Miss Dickinson is a better poem in itself than we can any of us write,..." 

   Good news! There are terrific practical ALTERNATIVES. 

   In Liz's spectacular column she describes caring for her Alzheimers-afflicted friend, a former caregiver herself.  I call her process, "Healing Distraction."

   "After a while I find myself at a loss for words." Liz writes, "So, I close my eyes and...hum lullabies from my childhood, Christmas carols, hymns. Gradually she begins to calm." Sometimes, her friend sings too.

   Her second strategy: to discuss patients the friend cared for: "A switch is flipped and over the next hour she talks about her nursing career, little fragments of recollections, hazy but still there. All is calm."

   Aldrich wrote further, "...I believe it is only through the gates of suffering...that we can pass into that tender sympathy with the griefs of all..." Liz is a healer because she has passed through those gates & learned. 

   Her treatments go beyond raw patience to differentiate curing & healing. She "heals" suffering in that moment!  Anxiety yields to Calm.

   THIS is Radical Loving Care^tm (RLC). Imagine how healing this is for both caregiver & patient. 

   Since RLC always goes beyond so does Liz: A note sits near her friend's bed: "Sing Amazing Grace when she becomes anxious."

   The song title describes what happens by practicing Liz's advice: amazing grace settles in. "All is calm."

-Erie Chapman

You are invited to support the Journal via https://www.eriechapmanfoundation.net . Let me know if you contribute so I can thank you directly!:-) 

*Both quote & picture of Aldrich (1866-1892) found in Maria Popova's life changing weblog, The Marginalian. (invite you to follow**) Aldrich wrote self-responsibility before her death at 26:

I made the cross myself, whose weight
Was later laid on me.
This thought adds anguish as I toil
Up life’s steep Calvary.

**The Marginalian – Marginalia on our search for meaning. https://www.themarginalian.org

Glimmers of Light: Days 257-258

“Liz, I want to go home. Are you taking me home? When are we leaving?” The mantra continues, no matter the response, the question continues. My dear friend’s anxiety and agitation waxes and wanes. What to do when the same question repeats over and over? After a while I find myself at a loss for words. So, I close my eyes and start to hum softly lullabies from my childhood, Christmas carols, hymns. Gradually she begins to calm.  My eyes open, and I share an affirming comment about her all the patients she cared for throughout the years. A switch is flipped and over the next hour she talks about her nursing career, little fragments of recollections, hazy but still there. All is calm.

Early on in my friends Alzheimers journey, I would explain, again and again and try to reason. I’ve learned that it is not helpful. Distraction is a much better approach. The monthly virtual education offerings the Alzheimer’s Association are so helpful. Their website has great resources for support.

My friend has a deep and abiding faith. She loves singing spiritual hymns and so singing with her has been a wonderful calming aid. Currently in a sub cute rehab facility, my friend shares a room with two other people, so we are sensitive to their needs for a restful healing environment, in a less than restful place.

We have a note posted above my friend’s bed, "Sing Amazing Grace when she becomes anxious." She joins in the singing.  A patient’s son who was visiting his mom told me that he sang Amazing Grace to her the other day. Her daughter brought my friend some homemade soup which she really enjoyed. Yesterday, I fed her mom lunch as the tray  was delivered but she needs assistance eating. When the overstretched staff finally arrived to assist, they were appreciative.

It is these glimmers of light that I hold on to. On this journey with challenges and worries it's the little kindnesses that makes all the difference in the world.

Blessings,

Liz Sorensen Wessel

Detoxifying Memories - Days 252-256

   Imagine three surgeons. Each makes a similar, health-changing mistake with a patient.

   Years later, they meet. One, shamed, suffers depression. "I still have nightmares about that case."

   The second, choosing craven indifference, says, "Not me. I stopped caring about that."

   The third picks the cowardly weapon of blame, "It was a nurse's fault."

   Each could learn from the inimitable David Whyte: "Memory is not just a then, recalled in a now, the past is never just the past..." It is,  "...a then continually becoming other thens, all the while creating a continual but almost untouchable now." 

   Shame, indifference & blaming are Ego's options. A veteran physician friend shared a different approach. "I inserted a needle an inch away from the right spot & caused suffering. I told the patient, took responsibility & will probably get sued. I regret my mistakes & learn form them. I love my patients and I'm a good doctor."  

   By applying a mature label, my friend created a then that makes him an even better doctor now.

   Mislabeling thens sends millions (including me) for psychological help.

   As a dedicated film artist, I study images every day. Fine photography is an art but its apparent reality also makes it one of Memory's messengers of feeling.  

   Artists name their pictures. Occasionally, I rename some of mine. How many of your mind's uglier portraits & events would be detoxified by renaming?  

   It is a giant mistake to think of memories as fixed facts. Two things that change memory are new information & new thinking. 

   Forgiveness is a remarkable way to dilute poisonous thinking, not only for yourself but for anyone else you have demonized as someone who "ruined" your life.

   How many other ways can we interpret thens that would add quality to our remaining nows? Starting with this one?

-Erie Chapman

Photoart by Erie "Emerald Memories" (2022)

 

"Peace Is" Days 250-251

Peace Is This Moment Without Judgment

Do you think peace requires an end to war?
Or tigers eating only vegetables?
Does peace require an absence from
your boss, your spouse, yourself?...
Do you think peace will come some in other place than here?
Some other time than Now?
In some other heart than yours? 

​Peace is this moment without judgment.
That is all. This moment in the Heart-space
where everything that is is welcome.
Peace is this moment without thinking
that it should be some other way,
that you should feel some other thing,
that your life should unfold according to your plans. 

​Peace is this moment without judgment,
this moment in the Heart-space where
everything that is is welcome.

© Dorothy Hunt

When someone you care about has a crisis, gets hurt or suffers a loss, it throws you off balance, shakes the ground you walk on, shakes you awake. The fragility of life comes into focus, as does our vulnerability. At least that has been my experience this week as I accompany a vulnerable elder, my friend to navigate health care as we receive conflicting information.

Amidst the chaos of rising and falling emotions there have been many tender moments within the imperfection. This is the part I really want to share with you.  Good people doing their best to serve with compassion. People who listen, who care, who have eased my way in addressing concerns.  These gestures of kindness, of listening and responding to remove barriers has been remarkable. I feel a Divine hand in all of this. Then another shock wave to the nervous system. Suregery tomorrow. Be there at 6:30am. Better set the alarm.

My colleagues stepping in to help cover for me, makes my heart swell in gratitude. Little kindnesses alsong the way. Sharing in one anothers vulnerability is a sacred space, a human space of real connection.  

Am I at peace? Hmmn... well it helps to acknowledge there is much we cannot control. Accepting the reality of a situation and working with it and through it, rather that resisting and fighting helps to cultivate peace. Peace in this moment, well at least for a moment. Ha! :)

Wishing you peace without judgement, in the heart space where everything that is is welcome. This is my prayer

Shared by Liz Sorensen Wessel

How You React to your Act: Days 245-249

 One quote my dad loved was, "For every one person that fails because of ability, nine fail because of  a character mistake."* The first time I heard this, a chill went through me. I knew I had many character flaws. Would one leak out, destroy my career & even my life?

   Every caregiver is haunted by such worries. Even though everyone has character flaws, most professionals can minimize or correct mistakes. Sometimes, just one can cause ruination.

   The single ruination mistakes always baffles me. How can Will Smith turn from long-admired to outcast in seconds? One outrageous mistake: The slap of Chris Rock. Smith's apology has not healed the slap to his reputation. 

   Quotes can seem to clash: Successful people always say: "Make mistakes. That's how you grow." I tell clients: It's how you react to your act.

   Sure, we must befriend our difficult partner, Courage . What about his powerful opponent, Unfairness?

   You have likely never heard of Gary Hart. A successful, handsome, Colorado Senator, Hart was a leading candidate for the 1988 Democratic Presidential nomination when he was caught in an affair. Although separated, Hart was pilloried & quit his campaign. 

    Only four years later another candidate was hit with sequential worse charges: Bill Clinton. Why did Hart's error kill his campaign while Clinton not only won but served twice as President & survived impeachment? 

   The reasons do not matter because our core point is different. We are told that failures of career, marriage, or character do not define our worth. Lucky for Donald Trump. 

   How can we best react to our acts? By remembering we are all children of God. Grinding loss can shake that memory. God's Love is our salvation. 

-Rev. Erie Chapman

Photo of Gary Hart by Kenneth Zirkel, 1987

*author unknown

Where is God in our Suffering? Days 243-244

September 5th marked the 25th anniversary since Mother Teresa died. Her legacy of unconditional love and caring for those in dire need lives on in the Missionaries of Charity. Mother Teresa founded this congregation in 1950 and the Sisters' good works continue to expand out and grow throughout the world. Mother Teresa's life of selfless service while living among the poorest of the poor to accomapany those suffering is a model that continues to inspire the Sisters, a life they embrace and cultivate wholeheartedly.  

In his WSJ article author Jim Towey asks the question, why is the congregation flourishing in these times? One answer is their deep and abiding faith in God and deep commitment to loving the world back to health one person at a time. Surely they live a life of purpose and courage with heroic strength to persevere. 

It has been reported elsewhere that in later years Mother Teresa did not feel God's presence in her life. I can imagine that living a life of complete sacrifice amid the immense human suffering that she experienced left her feeling drained and empty at times. Yet, even this did not stop her. She continued to pour love into others, bringing comfort and healing to so many. This sparks the existential question that we may ask. Where is God is all this suffering?

In the tireless service of one so true and the many who have follwed in her footsteps. 

I leave you with these beautiful thoughts by Towey.

"If a tree is known by its fruit, Mother Teresa’s was the most bountiful of harvests. The anniversary of her death gives the world the opportunity to ponder her legacy and recommit to those who need compassion and care. Few of us can hope to change the world as she did, but all of us can change the world of those around us, starting in our own families and neighborhoods, bringing a smile to the forlorn, hope to the despairing and love to the unloved. As she often said, love is a fruit always in season."​

- excerpt from Jim Towey's column in 9/1/2022 Wall Street Journal, on the 25th anniversary of Mother Teresa's death​

Mother Teresa and the ‘Sisters Who Stay’ - WSJ

With gratitude and love,

Liz Sorensen Wessel

 

"Labor" Day or "Relax" Day? Days 238-242

   Not, "Do you have the day off" or "Are you scheduled to work?"

   But, if you do have the day off, do you find it difficult to relax? I do. 

   When I asked a friend how he spent last weekend he said, "I did nothing. Just sat around." 

   I envy him. "Can you just relax a moment, Chip" (my nickname) dad used to say. My teachers said the same all the way through high school.

   It is not good to be in continual motion. Yet, it seems faintly immoral to me for healthy people to "do nothing." 

   Around 1975 I found a solution: Transcendental Meditation. Whenever I practice TM (20 minutes twice a day) it is 100% effective. It calms, clears thinking, improves my mood...The benefits are extensive.

   TM has a drawback. It is too easy! There are techniques that improve the experience. But the basics are simple: Close your eyes, Sit still for 20 minutes, repeat a so called nonsense sound to yourself. The universal one is "Oooommm." The point of that sound is crucial. It helps replace agitating thoughts.

   Repeating the sound for 20 straight minutes is not required. Let you mind wander. If an agitation arises, let the mantra replace it. Outside sounds? Let them go. Wondering if the time is up? Quietly open your eyes, check watch, close eyes.

   Simple. The question is not,  "Does it work? But, will you take the time?

   Let "Labor" Day, be ""Relax Day. Go briefly to someplace you won't be bothered. Use an excuse if you must. 

   Allow your eyes too close.  Enlist "any" mantra.

   You may discover yourself relaxing for the first time in weeks. Don't wanna do it? Then lean back & stare at the clouds.

   Happy Relax Day!

-Erie Chapman

"Cloud Lovers" Erie Chapman 2022