Because it was Valentine's Eve, CBS Sunday Morning featured Cupid. One expert addressed romance in three stages: "Lust, Romance, Loving Attachment," he said.
That last stage is the challenging one, of course, because every rose has thorns. It happens when a couple nurtures their relationship beyond the thrill of lust and the joys of romance & enters the realm that matters most.
It means a couple forges a bond that overcomes days when they dislike each other; when they are focused primarily on what is wrong with their partner. They may think they "hate" the one they once loved. But they hang on hoping love is like the weather & the season will change.
If they restore love & stay together, how? Why?
There are good answers. None are easy.
The parallels with careers follow the same stages. If you are living your calling you began caregiving with such passion that you were excited to start work each day. Next, as you learned the job you formed a kind of romance with it.
Eventually, fatigue may settle in. Routines become monotonous. Patient's problems, co-worker complaints & leader's nit-picking erode passion once felt.
Is this is classic burnout, curable with a break or a warning signal?
Whether the relationship is with a person or your career, we now come face to face with the depth of our love. Obviously, some couples need too separate and some caregivers need to change jobs.
But most people give up too easily. If the the job (or the partner) is your right match then enduring attachment emerges. A new, more mature romance will appear.
My favorite example emerged during lunch with two veteran obstetricians. One said, "I love delivering babies. Hope I can do it to retirement." The other said, "I chose medicine because it was something I could do."
The second doctor retired as early. Last time I saw the first doctor I asked if, after thirty years, he still loved delivering babies.
"Delivered two last night and two this morning," he answered. "Every time mom & baby are healthy, it feels like Christmas."
-Erie Chapman
Water Color: "Rose #1" Marian Lokvam, 1994
