The line, delivered on the popular show, Ted Lasso, rattled my soul. Not because it was new but because it struck at one of my worst weaknesses.
The words came in an exchange between the show's female football team owner & her mother (Harriet Walter, pictured):
"Why didn't you stand up to dad more?" the daughter challenges.
"I thought it was better to be loving than right," the mom responds.
"I need to be right," you may be thinking. But, have you ever found yourself winning an argument only to be greeted with resentment?
Loving relationships are never about one person being a winner & the other a loser. Love & logic are antithetical.
Before being called to hospital leadership I was trial attorney. My success in court was exceptional. Maybe too much so.My courtroom goal was to win over a jury, not the opposing attorney. Outside court, such "winning" strains friendships.
Any attorney who has told his wife to, "Just answer yes or no," instantly discovers that lawyer's tactics are disastrous outside court. Has anyone ever thought of you as loving when you say, "See, I was right!"
Caregivers often succumb to the trap of being "right" versus "loving." Making the right choices for patients can be crucial. Fear of being wrong haunts the conscientious.
What does Love advise? Arrogance is a form of bullying. The only way to be both loving and right is to practice both wisdom & kindness.
It begins if, amid every disagreement, I ask myself one question: Would I rather be loving or right?
-Erie Chapman
Photograph: Film Still
