Journal of Sacred Work

Days 242-244 - Part II My Actual Death - New Birth

 

Gratitude

   Thanks to all who wrote asking if I was "Okay" following my "death" reported last week. 

   My worry was that a simple "yes" would kill curiosity.

   I did not know how to say that my body did not die but something else did. Like this:

Old Science: Brain connections die.

New Science: Brain connections do not die. They disappear & can be regenerated. 

My mind has formed verifiably new synaptic connections. 

The Bird Who is Not Living & the Human Who is...

   Before consulting new science, Part II consults never-old Shakespeare via Hamlet: "There is a special providence in the fall of a sparrow."

   The bird pictured is a fallen finch, not a sparrow. Hamlet's point, that Providence rules, is the same.

   But does Destiny decide?

   When I saw the gentle, feathered shape (pictured) on the way to my car, his body stilled forever, I felt as conflicted as you may have: Simultaneously drawn & repelled. 

   It is so easy to turn away. To toss him into the garbage or ignore him. After all, I was late for an appointment (one of those earthly things that flood our lives.) 

   But, I am verifiably changed since my visit with death last Friday. You would be also.

   The ketamine dose birthed new connections in my "old" brain. Neurogenic imaging in other patients conclusively proves this.

   It is as if my consciousness was a garden & ketamine was a magic fertilizer that birthed new plants.

   Before I read the evidence in several, peer-reviewed, scientific journals I had already noticed something. My ever-curious mind was shaping new thoughts with exceptional clarity. 

   Why was I standing there admiring the fallen finch, saying a prayer, digging a place for his burial, honoring his "special providence" as he reposed between the living green leaves & the dead brown ones beneath? 

   It was a chance to celebrate life & death: The nearby birds flying tree to tree in song, & the one before me who would neither sing nor fly again. My own breathing, & freedom from the fear that my breaths will end. 

   Maybe the finch will fly again...& already has.    

   We want life to be sacred. What are we waiting for? The sacred is defined by us not by others (unless we let them)?

   The to the question I left open in Part I is Yes. Midway into my "flight" I was stranded on a dessert. It was drenched in color but flooded with gray loneliness.

   The island lacked people.

   Then humanity, starting with mother, began to appear. Different from dreams, I had a tactile sense of her presence. 

   Hope sang bright colors. Living loved ones emerged as clouds of light.  

-Erie Chapman

[Note: This "death" experience triggered a new Journal series that will include essays on mine & other's visions &  fascinating scientific breakthroughs that hold high hope for caregivers interested in new brain function. Part III, "Visions of Others" will be posted in two days.]

Photograph: "Fallen Finch," by Erie 8.28.21

   

Days 240-241 Where Love Begins

Just as light shines in the darkness, so stars are often considered a symbol of truth, spirit and hope. One that embodies the notion of spiritual revelation in each of us.

Stars remind us of our own resilience, especially when we're feeling down. They offer reassurance of our great qualities when we need it most. Just as stars shine, they encourage us to allow ourselves to shine, too.

May we remember
When you share with me what is most important to you,
That is where listening begins.

When I show you that I hear you,
When I say your life matters,
That is where compassion begins.

When I open the door to greet you,
That is where hospitality begins. When I venture out to bring you to shelter,
That is where love begins.

When I risk my comfort to ease your suffering,
When I act against hatred, violence, and injustice,
That is where courage begins.

When we experience the full presence of each other,
Because of our shared humanity,
Because of our differences,
That is where holy gratitude begins.

May this space be a table
that is not complete
until all are welcome. (By Andree Moll)

Thinking of you and your family,
Prayers for all who are suffering, may Love light our way.

Offered by Liz Sorensen Wessel
Artwork by ~liz

Days 235-239 - My Actual Death - Last Friday (Part 1)

The only way to escape the abyss is to look at it. -Cesare Pavese 

   It was not a near-death experience. It was death. Dazzling. Plain. Eternal. Inescapable. 

   Friday, August 20, 2021, Death swallowed me & spit me back to earth. The scent of his guts & the perfume of heaven's salvation, remain.   

   My dying began around 1 p.m earth time. My doctor smiled, said to me, "See you on the other side. I promise" & injected what he later called a "hefty dose" of the anesthetic ketamine. 

   The impact was immediate. My body vanished. I entered Eternity.

   My hearing had been replaced with music. A mask had rendered me blind & I saw everything. Human senses, including eyes, were irrelevant.  

   Since my body had been hijacked, the world fell away. My remaining awareness was sucked into a vortex flooded with images never seen, drenched in experiences never felt.

   Hardest to describe is the intensity. My immersion in the afterlife overwhelming. No more escapable than death itself.

   Much of this eternity was appealing. It was not the white light where deceased relatives appear. Instead, imagine inhabiting a kaleidoscope. Not looking through one but living inside abstractions more rounded & mixed than cut glass pieces. Interesting. But, what if you thought this was "it"?

   The shifts were constant. There was the Emerald City of Oz. There was the dull light of a dreary day. A pulsing, dimpled, globe glowed.

   Everything fell pell mell into me in a wrenchingly insistent avalanche that makes analogies inadequate.

   Mid-death doubts loomed: Dr. Barton was wrong. I will never return to the other side because the dead cannot do that. 

   A remnant of my earth consciousness reminded me that he was there. My voice screamed but I was sure he could not hear me.

   His hand arrived on my shoulder with saintly comfort. I took that hand, a precious human gift, in both of mine & stroked it as one would do during a final encounter with a loved one. 

   From the other side his voice said, "Erie. You're okay."

   Still, I was a hostage in a land barren of people.

   Other than Doctor Barton's hand, experienced like God's to Adam's in Michelangelo's painting, I felt no sense of humanity. Only pleasing but indifferent shapes.

   I was alone.

   Then people started to appear. Eternity's caregiver's?

End, Part One.  

-Erie Chapman

   

Days 233-234 Profound Messages of Hope

Recently, I was in conversation with a colleague, who is also a dear friend, and we reflected upon the toll the pandemic is having on caregivers and on the people we serve. The most recent surge of the Delta variant has become increasingly difficult to navigate as the stress upon caregivers, healthcare systems, our communities and the world has reached epic proportions.  

Also, weighing heavy are on our minds and hearts is the devastation and havoc wreaked by unending environmental disasters and the consequences of poverty, war, amd the tragic plight of refugees attempting to flee to safety, racism and political strife. These global concerns are not occurring in isolation but rather points to the interconnectedness of all of life; what affects one, affects the whole.

Throughout this pandemic millions of people have responded to the call to place the common good of others above their persoanl needs to help prevent the spread of COVID. Yet, these  acts of moral fortitude are not without cost. Consider the emotional strain of forgoing celebratory occasions such as weddings, anniversaries, graduations, and births and the accompanying feelings of sadness, grief and loss. Just imagine the distress of not being able to be present at the beside of a loved one who is dying or to attend a funeral to grieve within a community of care and belonging. Our lives have lost a sense of normalcy. The impact of extended months of sheltering in, childcare concerns, home schooling, job losses, loss of life, financial worries and social isolation are significant.

Caregivers who serve on the front lines have sacrificed their own family commitments to care for others. Some living in trailers outside their homes, in basements or garages to protect their families from being exposed to the virus. Oh, how they missed being able to hug their children and loved ones. 

Many caregivers are beyond a state of burnout and are experiencing moral distress and injury. According to the American Institute of Stress, “Burnout is a cumulative process marked by emotional exhaustion and withdrawal that is associated with increased workload and institutional stress that is not necessarily trauma related.” Symptoms can include depression, disturbed sleep patterns, irritability, cynicism or leaving their profession.

Expert, Wendy Dean points out that there is a critical difference between burnout and moral injury. Moral injury occurs when caregivers are “repeatedly expected, in the course of providing care, to make choices that transgress their long-standing, deeply held commitment to healing.”

“Moral injury comes from knowing you are making that decision in a situation where it didn’t have to happen. That is deeply traumatic.”

“The constraints and lack of supplies and staff, among other pandemic shortfalls, translate to health care providers not able to meet patients’ needs, and that adversely affects their well-being. The frustration of experiencing the new COVID resurgence especially when in many situations the vaccine could have prevented the illness and loss of life.”

When a doctor has to choose who will receive care in situations where there are more patients than ICU beds ethical dilemmas arise. Overtime situations that conflict with one’s values result in moral injury. A nursing colleague shared this with me, “Each time, I feel a piece of my heart getting torn out of me.”

This leads me to wonder, as we live through this pandemic and its aftermath how can we reframe moral injury to promote healing and recovery? As Erie Chapman so passionately counsels, the number one responsibility of a leader is to care for caregivers who care for people (paraphrased). A first step is to acknowledge this current reality and to listen to what caregivers are telling us about what they need, responding to those needs by  providing resources and necessary support as well as addressing systemic issues in healthcare.

Perhaps we can look to nature to teach us about something about capacity of the human spirit to thrive despite adversity. My friend sent me this photo of a sunflower that is growing through a metal grate of a concrete freeway onramp. Nature offers us profound messages of hope.

I leave you with this beautiful reflection by Mpumelelo Ncwadi from South Africa who highlights the lessons of living with resilience by relying on inner strength held up by the support of community. This is sure to uplift your spirits!

https://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=8832

Liz Sorensen Wessel

Note: Wendy Dean, MD, is a psychiatrist and the president and co-founder of Moral Injury of Healthcare, a nonprofit devoted to reframe clinician distress as moral injury.

Photo shared by Melody Fawcett

The essay is based on my reading/learnings from the following sources:

Moral Injury: Pandemic’s Fallout for Health Care Workers (webmd.com)

Moral Injury: The Invisible Epidemic in COVID Health Care Workers (nih.gov)

Reframing Clinician Distress: Moral Injury Not Burnout (nih.gov)

Moral injury in the wake of coronavirus: Attending to the psychological impact of the pandemic - PubMed (nih.gov)

https://mashupmd.com/moral-injury-and-the-covid-19-pandemic-reframing-what-it-is-who-it-affects-and-how-care-leaders-can-manage-it/

The above sculpture is called Melancolie and it is heartbreakingly beautiful. The artwork created by Albert György (living in Switzerland, but born in Romania) can be found in Geneva in a small park on the promenade (Quai du Mont Blanc) along the shore of Lake Geneva

 

Days 228-232 - Erie on Meaning

"It is a wicked thing to take away a [person's] hope." - Winston Churchill   

   In this moment "Nia" is starving through her last moments on a back alley in Calcutta. She has lost the strength to raise her bony hand to beg to the indifferent dozens wandering by. 

   One of God's children, she has been dismissed by others who share the legacy of breathing earth's air. 

   No one will ask Nia about the meaning of her life. No one will ask her anything. She has entered the liminal state, commonly described as floating between life & death.

   Nia's suffering is a crime. When she floats into death will she have an answer to life's key question: Why?

   Gladly, eight decades ago another being dying of starvation survived to give his answer through a branch of psychology he named logo-therapy. As psychiatrist Dr. Victor Frankl* languished in a Nazi concentration camp he noticed something crucial. 

   Exercising a key element of genius, curiosity, he wondered why some inmates in equal states of starvation survived & others perished. 

   He got his answer. Prisoners died within 24 hours of saying three words: "I give up."

   Deprived of meaning-food, the frail faded away. Frankl himself, along with other survivors, shared a common fuel that powered them through the worst nightmare we can imagine: A life purpose. 

   *Frankl's passion was to share his discovery so that we would understand what Nietzsche (pictured, 1844-1900) had written: "He [sic] who has a why can bear almost any how."

   There has never been a depressed person (including me at times) who told their psychiatrist, "I am filled with hope because my life matters." 

   Depression can be deadly. Beyond suicide, another risk lurks for the meaning-deprived: "Dying in place" occupying a body whose spirit has been crushed.

   Caregivers have a clear answer to the "meaning" question. Helping others. But that does not protect some from meaning-sucking burnout. 

   That is a core reason for this Journal - to give you meaning-food. To offer you the nourishment of understanding, listening & affirming. 

   You are a caregiver. Bless you. Thank you. God loves you. I love you, too.

-Erie Chapman  

More on Frankl in The Seven Habits of Radical Loving Leaders, via Amazon or www.eriechapmanfoundation.net. 

Days 226-227 In Our Struggles, Fill Us with Peace

Good morning, fellow caregivers it is my honor to share in this time of reflective prayer with you in our little community of mutual caring and support. We all come with a wealth of experiences and wisdom and diverse backgrounds. It is our diversity that adds to the richness and beauty of our experiences.

Erie shared in this past week’s reflection the scientific revelations on the power of prayer. Being together in community and sharing in a few minutes of intentional prayer strengthens us. Our heartfelt intentions multiply and carry far beyond this time, rippling out in boundless ways, far beyond our ever knowing to bless others in unforeseen ways.  So, thank you for bringing your healing energies to this moment to heal others and to be healed in the process.

This is what we get to do each and every day, when we bring our wholeheartedness to the activities that we do, regardless of the task at hand, when we approach our work in a conscious and intentional manner it opens us to the scaredness that exists in all things,

So, let us settle in to a comfortable position and begin with a few with deep centering breaths.  As you breathe in repeat to yourself, I am at peace, peace I receive, peace I offer.

Our friend, Jolyon calls for prayers for Mother Earth as she cries out to us in anguish. Pope Frances offers this prayer.

All-powerful God, you are present in the whole universe
and in the smallest of your creatures.
You embrace with your tenderness all that exists.
Pour out upon us the power of your love,
that we may protect life and beauty.
Fill us with peace, that we may live
as brothers and sisters, harming no one.
O God of the poor,
help us to rescue the abandoned and forgotten of this earth,
so precious in your eyes.
Bring healing to our lives,
that we may protect the world and not prey on it,
that we may sow beauty, not pollution and destruction.
Touch the hearts
of those who look only for gain
at the expense of the poor and the earth.
Teach us to discover the worth of each thing,
to be filled with awe and contemplation,
to recognize that we are profoundly united
with every creature
as we journey towards your infinite light.
We thank you for being with us each day.
Encourage us, we pray, in our struggle
for justice, love and peace.

Pope Frances

 

John 14:27  Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled; do not be afraid."

Wishing you the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Liz Sorensen Wessel
Mandala by ~liz

Days 221-225 M.I.T. Scientists: Distance Prayer Can Work!

   A ray of sun travels millions of miles & lands on a single magnolia leaf. Presto: photosynthesis enables the leaf to synthesize foods from carbon dioxide & oxygen.

   What if "Thoughts & Prayers," (a now-trite phrase) are not distance dependent?  Could regular reader, Sister Maureen McDermott, aim a healing prayer from her Australian home towards Liz Wessel in California & affect Liz's body chemistry?

   "No!" Scientists always said. Now, new evidence from scientists suggests what the faithful believe. "Yes!" Our prayers can help heal...& distance is irrelevant! 

   There is no area where spirituality & science intersect more tantalizingly than in quantum physics. 

   But, if you are a poet, musician or science-hater you probably missed news from the world-renown Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). Starting back in 2013 MIT Technology Review wrote: "The ability to control one quantum particle by manipulating another somewhere else sounds like the stuff of science fiction. Now physicists say they know how to do it."

   So can you. Since our thoughts, as brain waves, are quantum particles (including photons or electrons) their travels are not restricted by distance.  Scientists call the transport process "teleportation" & describe it in the article as "one of the more extraordinary phenomena in the quantum world. It, [teleportation] allows a quantum object, such as a photon or electron, to travel from one location to another without passing through the space in between." (Italics added)

   Distance prayers may have been working for millennia!

   Larry Dossey, M.D., author of Healing Words, told me this thirty years ago on my international t.v. show, Life Choices with Erie Chapman. But, I was doubtful & rarely read science journals. My son-in-law, Alberto Pierotti, does & led me to the latest research.  

   The faithful have always used distance prayer. Now faith-doubting scientists may join ministers in weaponizing thoughts to help defeat disease.  

   Perhaps, your prayers will gain new energy. Someone across the ocean will experience new healing...& wonder why. 

-Rev. Erie Chapman

Photograph: "Magnolia" - Erie Chapman

   

Days 219-220 Our Works

“The single most important thing a leader does is to take care of the people who take care of people - to serve those who serve.”  -Erie Chapman

Artwork by Liz Wessel

Our Works

Everyone who seeks meaning in their life,
seeks meaning in their work.
And, yet, how far we are driven away
from that meaning at times
by what we feel are the pressures of the moment-
And the sense that we are not in control.

We diminish ourselves in that we abandon
the spiritual reality of who we are
and make deals with life
that get us through, moment to moment.

Even so, we are meant I know, for more-
meant to give more to others and to ourselves.
In our business dealings,  just Work does not work.

The fun, the pleasure, the sense of creation,
and camaraderie of work are at best
a recreation of ourselves on a daily basis.

We cannot sustain ourselves
and others around us with less.
It is what we must cultivate to become or to stay
an organization able to exist in and deal with the future.

We can look back at where we have been for knowledge,
but the only ultimately viable perspective on our work
must be what we will become – what we can create together
standing on common ground, on higher ground –
“At play in the fields of the Lord.” 
                                                              ~By G. Mahan

Erie's most recent essays, which focused on RLC revealed beautiful expressions of camaraderie, fond remembrances, heartfelt gratitude and love expressed by a multitude of caregivers who have served alongside him. The caregivers overflowing sentiments are truly a refection of Erie's visionary leadership, of love in action, and affirms his number one priority of caring for caregivers.

The reflection above is by G. Mahan, a former colleague who reitred some years ago. His insights made an impression on me and I return to them time and again. I wanted to share them with you in hopes that they might resonate.

Liz

Days 214-218 - The Shocking Evidence of Your Quantum Impact

   What impact do you have as a caregiver? Read on & discover something shocking. According to quantum physics, your behavior is affecting the molecules of energy in every person around you, (& many others far away) in ways science has not been able to measure - until recently. 

   The interlocking circles, the heart, the golden thread, all symbolize WAYS in which you do & can have an impact by your practice of Radical Loving Care. 

   An example your impact comes in comments posted in the Riverside Methodist Hospital Alumni site on Facebook in response to my July 26 posting of the Journal article: Days 207-211 How Leaders Never Miss An Opportunity To Miss An Opportunity

   Instead of responding to the article, hundreds of former staff at Riverside (where I completed 12 years as President & CEO in 1995!) took the opportunity to create something career-affirming beyond anything I could have imagined. 

   Forget that these comments (slightly edited) were aimed at me & insert your name. Here are a couple samples among hundreds that spoke SPECIFIC things about the impact of leadership on culture & patient care. 

   "Thank you, Erie Chapman, caregiver Kathleen Grannan wrote. "Working at Riverside with you at the helm truly uplifted the environment to where I felt supported to give my all. Your vision made so many visions seem possible. I relish so many memories of making a difference in people's lives, and you lifted us up to make those moments possible."

   Neurosurgeon Dr. Janet Bell added, "Truer words were never spoken! Those were the days my friend." (see attachment for more notes.)

    This would have been lovely if the ONLY comments posted.  But, Katherine & Janet inspired a flood of others. Reading them I developed a fundamentally different idea of the molecular energy impact of Radical Loving Leadership. 

   Riverside nursing was 'the best in the land," (back in the '90s) mid-level leader Erin Keller wrote, [we] "nurses thrived under the leadership of Erie Chapman, as did all of us under his smart and compassionate direction...Thank you, Erie, for our sacred time together."

  The hard evidence of Erin's accuracy is that in 1995 there were 800 job openings annually (among 11,ooo employees) & 30,000 applications to fill them. Riverside was ranked TOP 3 best hospitals to work at in Ron Zemke's book, Service America & top ten by ABC national news & Working Mother Magazine. 

   There were so many "little things" that staff from the '80s & '90s referenced: that I had remembered everyone's name. That I had come up to visit them when they were sick or after they had a baby. MOSt importantly, that I had brought out the best in them and helped them discover that they could more for patients than they realized. 

   THAT, is the key for leaders and for each of you. Once again, it is not "just a few nice notes" but a flood of them arriving like angels from decades ago sent to bless me (and themselves) 

   You. do NOT go out there and do good things to get such sincere thanks 30 years later (I had to wait until age 77 to absorb this experience.) You try to do you best and, here is the hard part for some people, you have to assume that IF you got 100 notes they would say what these notes said. 

Download Riverside Alumni TRIBUTES copy pdf  

In the next Journal I will offer evidence from MIT & other high level science centers on how you are influencing people far from where you work right now.

-Erie Chapman

   

   Instead of responding to the article, hundreds of former staff at Riverside (where I completed 12 years as President & CEO in 1995!) took the opportunity to create something career-affirming beyond anything I could have imagined.