"Wow. Doc sure is taking this hard," I heard a mourner say at the visitation. "Look at him over there crying his eyes out."
The doctor's wife & two remaining daughters were crying too. The visitor did not mention them. It was this well-known surgeon's tears that made him uncomfortable.
The crying could not have been more justified. On January 11, 1977 Death & diabetes had suddenly stolen Doctor Lokvam's lovely middle daughter, Sonja, at thirty-six.
Accustomed to saving lives, the doctor could not comprehend it. "I should have figured out how to save her but she seemed healthy."
Since that awful night in the brutal winter of 1977 I have thought often of how proud I was of my father-in-law for crying & for his wife who comforted all of us with saintly compassion.
We know the rules. Men are not supposed to cry. If one does he better not do it in a way that suggests a wimp.
Remember "A League of their Own?" The women's softball team manager (Tom Hanks)notices that his pitcher (Madonna) is crying. "There are no tears in baseball!" he shouts at her."
Caregivers often comfort the grieving by saying, "It's good to cry."
If that is so how come crying by men is tacitly banned?
My fellow males & I carry this burden. If you are ever present when a man cries you do not have to say anything. Just hug him one (when we are again allowed to do so.) Otherwise, say, "I am glad you have the strength to shed tears."
Plagued recently by a bit of depression (anger turned inward) I created an 80 word poem & one minute cinema. (Click the link.)
Tears
Men are terrible at crying.
At least ones like me who
Grew up thinking only women cried.
Tears of laughter are different.
So is crying when you see your baby
Son for the first time.
But sadness? My throat traps those
Tears & holds them, boiling water
Ulcerating my skin.
It does no good to tell men
Like me to cry.
Once I gave way to that,
Ended up in the hospital.
I may land there again.
Soon.
-Erie Chapman 2020
