Journal of Sacred Work

Days 55-59 - Where Memories Scroll

"Glance at the wheeling Orb of change,/ And greet it with a kindly smile..." Tennyson. 

     Children play in a colored orb. Writing the first pages of life they are unburdened by memory and also have yet to know recollection's joys.

   Wisdom teaches that change is certain. Why not greet it "with a friendly smile?" Instead, you may have spent many days on this turning earth trying to make it stay still.

   You may look at your children or at any given moment of happiness and want to freeze it as you would the image in a photograph. Of course, no genie can grant such a desire.

   What appears on your scroll of memories when you read through your years of caregiving? Do you recall how the sunlight felt as you walked through the parking lot on your first day? Do you remember your first patient?

   What an odd thing resumes are. They list where you went to school, what licenses you may have and where you have worked.

   Resumes say nothing about the texture of your experience - the joys and irritations of colleagues now vanished, the feel of the fluorescent lights you worked under day after day, the sounds in the hallways you walked down hundreds of times.

   The people interviewing you never ask if you remember how you felt when you walked up to receive your diploma. They just want to know if you have one.

   Your resume is public. Your most important memories are private and personal.

   You will collect new memories today. On another day somewhere in the future, you will scroll through those memories and read, there, the story of the choices you have made.

-Erie Chapman

Days 53-54 - Pure & Simple

Last May, Woody and I befriended Brandi, a yellow lab, who we met at a local animal shelter. We were thrilled to take this gentle, sweet creature home with us. She is showered with affection and there is a natural exchange of love between her and each member of our family. Curious and wanting to learn, I’ve begun to study how our labradorable cultivates such loving relationships.

Beyond words and the distractions of everyday existence dogs seem to communicate on a highly intuitive level. They have no awareness of the images we try to create to be accepted and well thought of by others. For dogs, our status in life, wealth or material possessions do not hold any significance. Instead they want our love, attention and companionship.

When we strip away all the superfluous things in life (that ironically,  seem so important) our paradigm shifts to see what really matters. Resting beneath all the seeming complexities of life lies a simple truth.  Love awaits our receptivity; opening our heart is the greatest gift we can offer.

The following video is a  story about 7 year old Owen and his dog Haatji. Here we witness the miracle and healing power of Love.

~liz Sorensen Wessel 

 

Days 48-52 - The Edge of the Sea

"I go down to the edge of the sea./ How everything shines in the morning light!" -Mary Oliver

   On vacation in Florida I follow Mary Oliver's encouragement. I take the chance to watch the sea every morning.

   Standing at the edge of the ocean can be like viewing a meadow from the top of a hill or a cornfield from the limb of an oak. There is so much there. 

   Each individual wave, all those flowers and blades of grass below the hill. And there is every cornstalk. 

   "It's like a schoolhouse/ of little words, thousands of words," Oliver writes.

   You can watch single waves and wonder at the totality of the ocean or blades of grass and consider all the meadows of the world. You can see Beauty as a gift of God or you can analyze it all as a scientist. Or you can try to do both.

   As for all those "little words" and things, Oliver says, "First you figure out what each one means by itself...Then you begin, slowly, to read the whole story."

   Those who live Love and celebrate life keep reading. Others may have given up long ago.

   As a caregiver you stand above oceans and atop mountains. From there, you can survey each patient and each ailment within each person.

   From there, you can begin to read the whole story. From there you can touch the hem of Love.

-Erie Chapman

   photograph - erie chapman

Days 46-47 -The One Less Traveled

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.  

-Robert Frost

As we awaken from our slumber into the mystery of a new day, perhaps we offer up a little prayer. "May I do some good today, may how I show up for others be life affirming, may I make a difference."

Rising up from the warmth of our beds we begin preparations for this day. We are all caregivers one to another in some way. If, you are a parent, you are probably bustling about to help your children get ready for school. As a caregiver for an aging parent or an ill family member you too are living your loved one illness. Maybe as you head off to work you begin to feel a tightening in your body as you contemplate the difficult challenges that await you. Perhaps, you are at a point in life where you are gifting yourself with better self-care.

Each of us will be confronted with varying levels of stress throughout our day. How we respond can make all the difference. Yet, how easy some unexpected happenstance can jolt us off our planned course, in a flash, we can lose perspective, react with impatience, frustration, or even lose our cool. If the encounter with another does not go well it is like a boomerang returning to us with a lingering negativity, stress or regret. Life’s curves catch us off guard, diminishing our sense of safety. Instantly our body reacts before we fully understand what is occurring because our rational thought fails to kick-in.

Yet, there is another way. In Man’s Search for Meaning, psychologist and holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl reveals an illuminating truth,” Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”  

In that space…we can begin to notice how our body reacts. What is happening? Are you feeling flushed; is your heart beginning to race, is there tension in your stomach? Perhaps, by just repeating back what you heard the other person say will create space for him or her to clarify their point of view. This may allow enough time for the blood to flow back to your brain and clear thinking to return.

You might be thinking, all this sounds good but these unexpected encounters unfold as quickly as a bolt of lightning strikes. It is not that I am good at this, it is more that I aspire to have healthy, caring relationships with my fellow sojourners. True, it is not easy, it takes courage, commitment, and a personal intention to grow and change.

To strengthen your resolve, remember your north star; your compass and consider what gives purpose and meaning to your life and relationships. This intention can shift our focus from a need to win or to be one man up in any conflict, to seeking common ground and the greater good in each other and in every circumstance.

Challenging situations are our teachers. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche shares this metaphor, It’s like riding a horse when a bump in the road jostles us; we lose our balance and it wakes us up as we right ourselves again. Life’s little annoyances are a disguised blessing because they have the power to shake us from complacency to choose our path and our freedom, which can make all the difference.

 Liz  Sorensen Wessel

Photo by my talented niece, Lisa Gayle

Days 41-45 - When Outward Action Changes Inner Thoughts

I think of compassion as the fundamental religious experience and, unless that is there, you have nothing. - Joseph Campbell

   Kindness and grace are not mere “tools” of caregiving but lovely ways of expressing our being. How do you display your warmth?

    When I was a little kid and got into fights with my sisters (in recent photo - left) my face would contort in anger. My mother sometimes used a little trick to snap me out of it.

    “Shake hands with your sister and smile,” she would tell me.

    Of course, I was not going to do any such thing. But, gradually, she would prod me until an awkward smile changed my face and, gradually, my heart.

   Much as I had been fighting an apology I found my inner attitude softening. With the arrival of my smile my anger retreated.

   As the great theologian and author C.S. Lewis wrote: "Do not waste your time bothering whether you "love" your neighbor, act as if you did. As soon as we do this, we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less."

   We all smile when we are feeling like scowling. You pretend to like people you don't.

   Fake smiles can help in the same way politeness can smooth interactions. Pretend smiles can become genuine - as if the put-on smile somehow awakens something warmer. 

   But fake smiles in caregiving can be worse than no smile at all because they come from cynicism. It is exhausting if your outer behavior is constantly at odds with your inner soul.

   It is the genuine smiles – either broad or modest – that illuminate relationships. That is why it is so helpful for you and I to discover things we honestly care about in others.

   Love does not always mean struggling to be kind to someone who is rude. It means understanding the grief beneath the angry person's grievance.

   Every time you do that, Love smiles.

-Erie Chapman

Days 39-40 - Many Small Actions

“Set your expectations high; find men and women whose integrity and values you respect; get their agreement on a course of action; and give them your ultimate trust.”  John Fellows Akers
                                                                                                           

In response to the Institute of Health Improvement (IHI) Triple Aim Initiative our entire Health ministry is creating innovative systems of care that expand beyond the traditional medical model. Our focus is shifting from treating disease symptoms by a multitude of practitioners that results in fragmented care, to whole person care through CARE collaboration and coordination across the continuum.

To illustrate this evolving partnership, I wish to share the following story.

Mr. H is an 83 year old gentleman who is a retired engineer. During his career, he worked on computer development projects for Nasa, the government and in commercial enterprise. Mr. H’s wife of 60 years has mild dementia and needs care too. Their children live out of area and his son is a prominent physician.  Mary, lives in providing housekeeping and errands in exchange for lodging. Church friends stop by with an occasional meal and some cheerfulness.

Mr. H was diagnosed with prostate cancer that has metastasized to his liver and spine. Currently, chemo is on hold due to a bout of c-diff colitis, which led to his recent hospitalization.

During a home visit  Mr. H reported to his nurse, Katie that he was feeling much better ; his strength and appetite were returning.  Yet, with a flip of a dime everything changed. His symptoms returned with a vengeance once the antibiotics were completed.  When Mr. H saw his MD, she was so concerned about him that she started IV hydration in her office. The new Care Connect RN, Ana called leaving a worried message about Mr. H.  Her compassion, as well as the physician’s, was palpable. They wanted to know, what we in palliative care could do to help? 

Katie and I called Ana and the doctor joined in to discuss Mr. H’s changing needs. The MD wanted IV hydration continued at home and although Mr. H could benefit, Katie expressed safety concerns. She knew he would not be able to manage the dangling IV tubing and equipment with frequent trips to the bathroom.  He was at risk for falling due to weakness and inadequate in home help.  Also, the cost of the antibiotic refill  was $2500 and understandably,  Mr. H was reluctant to pay that much.

The physician agreed to personally call the patient’s son to update him. The social worker (MSW) would explore medication assistance programs. We would arrange for a hospice evaluation. Katie would draw stat labs .

Our collaboration led to Mr. H’s son hiring a caregiver 7 days/week. Mr. H is extremely pleased with the added help and states that he and his wife’s quality of life is much better now. The MSW contacted several medication assistance programs and although he did not meet criteria, he did save over $200 through a discount pharmacy. Since resuming the antibiotic Mr. H’s condition has improved.  He is not ready to transition to hospice but has information to decide if/when the time is right.

I believe our team approach is aligned with the Triple Aim initiative.  We supported Mr. H's goal to remain at home with his wife,  surrounded by a loving community. Although, Mr. H was at high risk for significant complications they were successfully avoided.

According to, Marsha Sineta, “Trust is built and maintained by many small actions over time. Trust is not a matter of technique, but of character; we are trusted because of our way of being, not because of our polished exteriors or our expertly crafted communications. So fundamentally, trust is the cornerstone, the foundation, for everything you'd like your organization to be now and for everything you'd like it to become in the future.”

Liz Sorensen Wessel RN, MSN

Days 34-38 - "Everyday on the Edge."

          

   The challenge to live Love, not fear can seem insurmountable.  

   For three years I have been ministering to a Death Row inmate. Recently, Glenn's sentence was converted to life in prison. 

   On Death Row, his life was literally "on the edge" of being ended. His life is no better now. 

    Glenn is imprisoned in a facility poisoned with gangs. He says that in his world "you wash your face with your eyes open" and "keep your head on a swivel."

   Glenn survived a nightmare childhood and knows how to handle himself. But, he writes "It's hell to just have to live everyday on the edge."

   So many of us live our lives in fear. Across the world, hundreds of millions of our fellow beings awaken each morning wondering if they will see the sunset, struggle to find food and clean water or live under terror-driven dictatorships.

   You are one of the lucky ones. You are blessed with more freedom to choose a life of joy and Love. 

   But, have you?

   I am always surprised when I find myself depressed in any given moment. I think of Glenn and his world "on the edge." Strangely, that does not always comfort as I reflect on the tortures humans inflict on each other.

   Yet, the cruelty we inflict on ourselves is the worst. It should also be the easiest darkness to illuminate.

   Choosing Love always eases darkness. The more you help another the less your darkness. 

   Have you ever thought you do not deserve to be loved? I have. It is a wrong notion. 

   Only when you accept the gift of Love can you practice Radical Loving Care. In that practice, your life is no longer "on the edge."

   Fear retreats when Love arrives.

-Erie Chapman 

Days 32-33 The Brilliance of our BEING

" The greatest obsession that humanity suffers is of 'that which should be'.  It is a kind of madness. The really healthy person has no concern with that which should be. His whole concern is the immediate, that which is. And you will be surprised: if you enter into the immediate, you will find the ultimate in it.  If you move into that which is close by, you will find all the distant stars in it. If you move in the present moment, the whole eternity is in your hands." Osho 

Note from Liz Wessel: Guest essay and art graciously provided by friend and artist,  Anne Milligan

For years and years, I have had a recurring dream wherein I am participating in an Irish Clogging dance, and (to my amazement) my feet are simply moving, floating across the floor at breakneck speed, as I make the moves with my own feet.

It has happened so many times that I feel as if I could start moving my feet right now and just sail off into the music of my generational homeland. Yet, I know there is something far more potent in this dream theme. My Celtic sisters and brothers will definitely recognize the meaning here.

In this watercolor painting, ("Dancing with the Stars"), I wanted to convey the brilliance of our BEING, how we dance in a cosmic adventure here on our planet, and how everything dances and sings.

Our own soul is Holy Ground. Our miter is a flaming fire and our torch a light for the world. Harmony and balance is our music. Joy is our essence and we are wired for the MUSIC of the SPHERES.

Do not “pass your torch” to the culture of celebrity (pervasive though it may be). Everything is possible. Everything is connected. YOU are a star! We are stardust together in a cosmic soup of infinite possibility!

By Anne Milligan

Special thanks to Anne Milligan for sharing her gorgeous  art and starlit spirit with us! - Liz

Watercolor painting by Anne Milligan January 30, 2014