"There is some kiss we want with our whole lives, the touch of Spirit on the body." Rumi
It may come as a surprise for many to discover that members of the early Christian church routinely kissed each other as part of their celebration of God's Love in community. This may also have been true of early practices in Judaism.
The kisses, of course, were intended as expressions of God's Love among the brothers and sisters of the church - among the children of God - not as something erotic. "Greet one another with a holy kiss," the Apostle Paul offers in Romans 16:16. This instruction is repeated in Corinthians, Thessalonians, and in the first letter of Peter.
American churches have, in general, long since abandoned this display of kissing - too many worries about erotic overtones no doubt. This seems a shame for, as Rumi wrote centuries ago, "There is some kiss we want with our whole lives..." The holy kiss affirms our humanity, not our sexuality.
Hugs and kisses are exchanged among friends, almost always female, in American society. American men, on the other hand, are tacitly forbidden such expressions.
Consider, on the other hand, the cultures of Europe, Russia, the Middle East, and many other parts of the world where hugs and kisses on the cheek are common ways of greeting. Paul wanted to encourage "holy kisses" because he understood that congregations needed to create a sense of unity.
Some of he most beautiful kisses I have seen occur when a nurse caregiver leans to kiss a dying patient. As babies, we experience an immediate need to be held and kissed. As we age, or become sick and infirm, the young are less and less likely to want any physical contact. How tragic.
I have see some caregivers offer kisses to old men and women in ways that are, oddly, condescending instead of holy. "I'm just going to give that sweet little old man a peck on the cheek" I heard a nurse say once. It was as if the "little old man" were once again a four-year-old.
The old and the sick are often physically shunned. This happens just at the moment they are most in need of being touched, of being loved, of an experience something like "a holy kiss." By avoiding contact with the old and sick, we signal that they have somehow fallen to the edges of humanity and are no longer "touchable" except for the purpose of a medical procedure.
The question before every caregiver every day is: How may I bring healing to the sick patient in my care. Great caregivers listen for what the patient needs. A small number of patients want no contact at all and something like a kiss may seem intrusive.
But for most patients, kind-hearted contact can be remarkably healing. It is not an actual "kiss" that matters. It is the holiness of touching with Love, of reaching out to another being who has fallen so deeply ill that they may feel they are no longer a part of the human race, no longer a child of God, no longer worth human contact.
"There is some kiss we want with our whole lives...." It is the kiss of the holy. It is the touch that helps heal our isolation and relieves us, for a moment, of the sense we have that we are alone in this world. It is a gift that can heal beyond words.
-Reverend Erie Chapman
Note: The painting above is by Alonzo Rodriguez
