Journal of Sacred Work

Days 363-364 - Loving Life

"I have found that if you love life, life will love you back." pianist Arthur Rubinstein

    Anyone who ever heard Rubinstein (left) play knows that Love flowed through his fingers and danced across the keyboard of any piano he played. He was a master not primarily because of technique, but because of his completely open and passionate heart. 

    Among the biggest mistakes I've made in my life have involved expecting life (and other people) to love me even if I didn't express love myself. Love has the remarkable quality of instantly enriching the life of the lover. When we hold back Love or, worse, try to replace Love's power with our own, we open the door to our own despair. Since Love comes through us, not from us, we can only experience it by being open. 

   As this year ends, it's easy to reflect on many things that have gone wrong, both personally and, of course, beyond. It has been a hard year in so many ways for so many people.

   Caregivers who may have been plagued by setbacks this past year - a home foreclosure, a broken family, a terminal illness - may find it especially hard to love life. Yet, successful caregiving depends on our ability and our courage to find the pathway back into the light. 

   No day is free of shadows. Even the darkest day holds glimmers.

   We pay lots of attention to the final seconds of December 31 and the first seconds of January 1 - the end of a year, and the start of another. The dawn of January 1 will mark not only a new year but, like every morning, it will herald a new day and a new opportunity for us to decide whether we will choose Love, not fear. 

   May this year bring you, as a caregiver, the wisdom to love life, and, in so doing, experience the grace of God's Love.

- Rev. Erie Chapman

Days 357-362 - Love & Morality

Every act shaped by Love is moral. Morality is determined not by laws, but by two forces: Love and fear.

    About ten years ago, during the time I was CEO at Nashville's Baptist Hospital System, I walked around our large, flagship hospital asking several employee-partners the same question: "What is Love?" I got lots of answers connected to family, friends and God. But, the answer I recall the most clearly came from a member of the housekeeping staff. Donnell was pushing her cleaning cart down a hallway when I approached her with my inquiry. "Love means helping other people no matter what," she said.

   I thought of Donnell's answer when I gave a sermon to fifty prisoners and two hundred guests as part of the Men of Valor annual Christmas party at a state prison in the Nashville area. How do we love those who have committed crimes against others? How do we view convicted criminals in their orange uniforms, numbers across their backs instead of names?

   It's clear that criminals are second class citizens in our society. Although a centerpiece of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount speaks to loving our enemies, it's obvious that not many Americans love the occupants of our prisons. Prisoners are chronically mistreated and very few citizens seem to care. Once a human being is judged as a criminal, they are also judged as immoral and quickly become subhuman. It's pretty easy to abuse people who, in the minds of "the system" have slipped to edges of our society. 

   Shunning is one of the worst punishments human beings inflict on others. If you've ever been a patient and had to exchange your clothes for a patient gown, you've gotten a taste of what it feels to be degraded and marginalized. 

   In a country that claims to be predominantly Christian, it is shocking to see how terribly prisoners and patients are treated. Both groups are stripped, labeled and imprisoned in rooms.  Is this moral? Is this Love?

   It seems to me that every act that is shaped by Love is moral. Every act that is informed by fear is typically immoral. 

   As a lawyer and a minister, I know that the law often has very little to do with morality and that churches have often supported immoral behavior. Consider the Jim Crow laws common in the southern United States until the 1960s and the complicity of many churches in the support of those laws. Consider the statutes that, for many decades, have discriminated against the gay population. Consider the forces that abused our American legal system in the 1950s to ruin the lives of thousands by falsely insinuating ties to the Communist party.

   With all the talk of health care reform, there has been precious little attention to correcting the chronic abuse of patients. Walk into almost any hospital ER or go up on the floors. You will see patients in pain that have been abandoned in coldly lit hallways or dispatched to waiting areas in ERs groaning in agony. 

   Of course, there have to be waits in any system. But, why are so many caregivers hardened to the pain and isolation of patients? I place the responsibility primarily on the shoulders of leaders who are more preoccupied with profit margins than with mission. When non-profit hospital leaders turn their primary attention to financial bottom lines at the expense of patients, they are commit acts of immorality. 

   As Donnell said, "Love means helping other people no matter what." It means helping even if help requires going over budget in a given area. It means helping even if the patient is rude, angry and a convicted criminal brought in for medical care. 

   We can only hope and pray that the eyes of Americans will one day open to two truths: too many patients are being mistreated, and it's time for healthcare reform grounded in Love, not fear. 

-Rev. Erie Chapman

Days 353-356 - Believing

   This is one of those sacred times of the year when Christians and Jews, as well as some of other faiths, come face to face with what they believe. 

    The second chapter of Matthew tells Christians the story of the three Magi (wise men) following a moving star across the desert in search of a new born king. I have always loved this story, imagining the Magi on their journey across the sand - blazing hot in the day, cold at night, following that magic star until it stopped over a place pointing to the newborn king. 

   The word magic comes from those Magi of long ago. They were Persians, specially trained astrologers who searched the stars for signs. Their credibility depended upon the belief of others in their powers. When they proclaimed the discovery of the Christ child, their words carried weight. 

   As a small child, I made a crèche scene in Sunday school and painted the figures of Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus and placed it on a table near our family Christmas tree. I never got around to painting the three wise men so I just placed the three figures there, looking unfinished in their white plaster, staring down at their discovery.

   What had they found? Did the story really happen like this? 

   Whenever I encounter doubters, I always find myself wondering if it really matters precisely how the story unfolded. For me, what counted was the discovery of the living expression of God's Love on this earth.

   All year long, caregivers labor in the knowledge that their work is helping make the sick better and more comfortable. They also know that caregiving becomes healing when God's Love moves through their hands.

   The saga of the discovery of the Christ child is a happy story. For me, it was, and is, a cozy story of a family gathered in the humblest of settings nurturing the hope of the earth - and hope for us all. 

   It is the Christmas story. 

Love and blessings,

Rev. Erie Chapman 

Days 351-352

   If you are lucky, you will one day have the chance to contemplate retirement for your labors - or to choose, as I am, to find a different way and a different place to express your gifts to the world. This poem by David Whyte (left) speaks eloquently to this issue. His words may be as powerful for you today as they will be later in your life. For Whyte speaks to our personal pathway through the world - and how we may find it. The end of the year is a wonderful time for contemplation. May Whyte's words help you in your personal reflection as a caregiver - Erie 

Sweet Darkness - David Whyte

When your eyes are tired

the world is tired also.

 

When your vision has gone

no part of the world can find you.

 

Time to go into the dark

where the night has eyes

to recognize its own.

There you can be sure

you are not beyond love.

The night will give you a horizon

further than you can see.

You must learn one thing.

The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds

except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet

confinement of your aloneness

to learn

anything or anyone

that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

Days 347-349- Change & Retirement

   Since I reached my 66th birthday this past October, my thoughts have turned more and more to retirement. There are so many other things I'd like to do including an increased focus on my love for the arts, development of my own foundation, the establishment of my new ministry (I was ordained October 25) and, of course, a deep need to spend more time with family - grandchildren and my 97 year-old mom. 

   In my mind, I will not be retiring from work, I will simply be retiring from my full time job as President of the Baptist Healing Trust. Radical Loving Care is a lifelong mission for me and I will always work to continue advancing that gospel.

   Dr. Cathy Self, who has been contributing so successfully to the Thursday Journal, will take over primary responsibility for this venture, which I began in June, 2006. Since that time, there have been nearly 1000 posted essays and about 100,000 visits to the Journal from around the world. I will hope to continue contributing guest essays along the way. 

   I've asked that my retirement from the Trust be effective as soon as possible so it will happen February 1, 2010. Although I made this decision, any job change is difficult, especially since I have invested so much of my heart in the work of the Trust. 

   I am so deeply grateful to each of you for you active support of this Journal for caregivers. Again, I hope that this venture will continue for a long time since it has clearly been of help to many caregivers around the world. 

   You will see me again on these pages for awhile longer. Meanwhile, I wanted you to know of my plans and of my enduring love for you and for caregivers everywhere.

Love and Blessings,

Rev. Erie Chapman

   

Days 345-346 - What Helps Attitudes?

   A recent article in Time magazine reports that people in low moods who repeat positive phrases may not benefit. In other words, if people who are depressed are asked to regularly repeat phrases like, " I am loved" or "I am lovable" it seems to do nothing to improve their state of mind.

    Although this finding flies in the face of some popular wisdom it is, in fact, quite logical. Our sense of well being is more effectively built from the inside out rather than from the outside in. 

   This may be why hospital and charity based "smile campaigns" are typically unsuccessful. Leaders can order people to smile. But, it's pretty hard to force someone to be sincere with their smile. Repeating happy phrases doesn't make us happy any more than does a forced smile.  

   We now know, through long term and complex studies of brain chemistry, that mood formation is very difficult to understand. Although repeating positive phrases by rote may not help, we know that what does help is to turn our energy and attention to positive thought patterns instead of dwelling on negative ones. 

   In other words, we can choose to resent a supervisor's reprimand and begin sulking or we can choose to turn the reprimand into an opportunity for growth. Somehow, we need to be able to establish our sense of self worth on our own terms rather than to let someone else decide how we feel.

   The best ways I know of to do this are to begin by accepting that we are all children of God's Love. When I listen to the voice of Love as opposed to the voice of someone who is acting disrespectfully towards me, I find a better and truer strength. 

   What is most helpful to you?

-Erie Chapman

Day 341 - Love's Legacy

Today's meditation was written by Cathy Self, Senior Vice-President for the Baptist Healing Trust.

  I'm struck with the efforts of so many in our world who seek to leave a legacy - something that will mark a life's meaning and purpose. Great pain and sacrifice has been offered over and over to place that perfect and final brushstroke on the canvas or the perfectly placed pause between the notes. In this past month I have said goodbye to three giants whose names you have not heard and whose work was done quietly and without acclaim. The legacies left by these remarkable people are legacies of Love.

It occurs to me that as caregivers we have that same opportunity for a legacy - not of public renown or acclaim but of quiet Love. My Dad felt the touch of Love as he lay dying some years ago in a hospital bed. Limited by pain and weakness, his only recourse was to receive the ministrations of a caring nursing tech who quietly gave him a bed bath each morning. Larger-than-life, fiercely independent, capable and strong, Daddy could do nothing but surrender into Millie's hands and care. Each day she came and went, saying very little, offering so very much. And each day, as Daddy settled back into his pillow after her leaving, I would hear a deep, peaceful sigh and watch a sweet but barely discernable smile find its way onto his face.

There was a day when a different nursing tech arrived to do what was technically and competently the same task. As she finished her work and left, my Dad rolled over, opened his eyes and said very quietly to me, "I miss Millie." You see, Millie did her work with great Love. As the days rolled by it was easy to appreciate Millie from our vantage point. I doubt she was ever recognized publicly or widely. When I spoke of her to the nursing manager, the response I received was "Yes, she has been with us a long time. She is very dependable and proficient." I suppose that is what the nurse manager thought I'd want to hear. What she missed, and what I remember about those days is that Daddy felt Love through Millie's hands.

Love does that - it cares more for others than for self, doesn't want what it doesn't have, doesn't strut, or have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first," or fly off the handle, doesn't keep score, always looks for the best, keeps going to the end (1 Corinthians 13, The Message). The giants in my life that are no longer physically present were like Millie - quiet, sure, and deeply loving people. They understood what matters. And they, like Millie, left legacies of Love.

Days 338-340 - Entertaining Angels

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it." - Hebrews 13:2

   You may well be familiar with the above scripture. It calls us to recognize the divine in all people. 

   But, the popular image we have of angels is inconsistent with so many of the people that appear before caregivers. If I am an ER nurse, how do I see an angel in the face of a criminal brought to the ER for stabbing a child? How do I see God through the smell of an alcoholic or drug addict who enters the emergency department for the 3rd time this month? 

   Most difficult of all may be the kind of patient we have often referenced in the Journal. It is the angry man in the patient gown who threatens to get us fired. It is the cranky old woman who throws a bed pan at the door. It is the drug addicted mother who delivers a baby into a state of withdrawal. 

   As we pass judgment - as we decide in our hearts that some are unworthy of care, we diminish caregiving and defeat Love. It is natural to turn our energy toward those who are friendly and appreciative. Love calls us to see not the obvious angel, but the one hidden behind masks of anger or apathy or despair. 

   Caregivers are are typically among the most kind-hearted among us (as well as high-skilled.) Yet, even the best can be tested by hard patients.

   How difficult is it for you to "show hospitality to strangers" when you see those strangers as difficult people?

-Erie Chapman 

Days 335-337 - Love & Violence

"As stillness in stone to silence is wed/ May your heart be somewhere a God might dwell." John O'Donohue

    The truth is, God already dwells in our hearts. But all too often God's presence is blocked by vicious cruelty. 

   Consider "Miradi." At fourteen, she was cast into an arranged marriage requiring that she leave her native Pakistan to join with her American husband. 

   Within days of the marriage, Miradi was attacked and beaten by her mother-in-law. Various kinds of torture and abuse from both her mother-in-law and husband followed. Her efforts to escape, as a Pakistani teenager in America were difficult. Where does a young foreigner victimized by abuse find relief? 

   Where is God in the middle of such a nightmare"

   Fortunately for Maradi (and hundreds of others in similar situations), God's Love shined clear from the heart of Valerie Wynn, the woman who founded and leads a sanctuary called The Mary Parrish Center. The Center gave Maradi a safe and secure home. She can stay there for up to two years during which time she plans to finish her basic education and begin to pursue her dream of becoming a physician. 

   God's Love can always defeat cruelty if only that Love can be revealed. For Maradi, God appeared through a saintly caregiver. 

   A more difficult question is this: What about the abusers? Where is Love to be found in a heart dominated by cruelty? 

   As we consider the daily tragedies that caregivers encounter, how do we find the strength to Love people who act violently toward others? How do we separate, in our hearts, the person from his or her mean actions?

   Caregivers are called to heal people regardless of wrongdoing. Happily, there are those who will try to heal Miradi. Who will seek to heal her attackers? Where do any of us find Love that might transform the cruel into the kind? Is that sort of Love too big for us to imagine?

-Erie Chapman

Day 334 - Compassionate Presence

Today's meditation was written by Cathy Self,Senior Vice President for the Baptist Healing Trust.

"If you approach people with trust and affection you would have tenfold trust and thousandfold affection returned to you." - Gandhi

  This time of year seems to abound in opportunities for compassionate presence - compelling needs are brought into our homes and workplaces on a daily basis. The familiar red kettle calls to us to give. Angel trees have appeared at every mall, chain store, and even gasoline stations. It's hard to act selfishly this time of year. But our nature is selfish, and we return to its dark shadows all too easily - perhaps out of habit, or because we seek what is familiar or feels safe and reasonable. Or maybe the compelling needs before us seem so overwhelming we believe we must shut them out lest they overburden our hearts and spirits. Our nature seems to draw us back in again and again, whether from selfishness or fear. And if we pay attention that selfishness or fear doesn't feel good. Yet we still retreat, acting in ways that seem rude, heartless, cold. In society, and even in our places of caregiving, compassionate presence seems to have become a premium, even at this time of year.

The call of Love, of compassionate presence, nonetheless asks our awareness to those feelings of discomfort - because it is from there that we can let our heart intelligence guide us into alignment between what we say and how we live. Nice words, and hard to do, especially when life's waves roll over and over and over again.

The word "compassion" from its Latin roots means "to suffer with." True compassion actually feels the suffering of others. In awakened awareness, as described by author Catherine Ingram, "there is no reassuring story that allows distancing from this suffering....it does not look away, not does it rely on beliefs for an escape from feeling." Compassion asks that we take on, take in, embody the suffering of another without falling into abject misery ourselves. As caregivers in particular I think compassion has to "start at home." That is, if we are to offer to enter into compassion with another we must first be able to enter into compassion with ourselves.

Love offers us a portal into that sacred place where we can sit with ourselves with great compassion for all that is and is not.  From that place of felt empathy we are more likely to begin to experience a sense of wholeness. Our relationships then become primarily about appreciation, about considering what best for those we love and serve without wondering how an action or word will affect me. Ingram says it this way: "Because we enjoy what comes and are able to let go what goes, our need for anything to go a particular way diminishes greatly."

According to Ingram, Buddha spoke about three kinds of giving: beggarly giving, friendly giving, and kingly giving."Beggarly giving is when we give the least of what we have, what we don't really need or wouldn't really miss. Friendly giving is when we give what we use and like - perhaps not our best - but what we can afford and might appreciate in return. Kingly giving is when we give the very best of what we have, when we give more than we keep for ourselves or seems we can afford, when we give with no expectation of reciprocity. The paradox is that in kingly giving we enter into compassionate presence - giving because of joy of generosity - of Love - and which far exceeds any other satisfaction possibly gained.

When we are at our worst, when we have the least the give, and when from a Servant's heart comes kingly giving, Love becomes visible. How different would our world be if we practiced kingly giving of compassionate presence? My guess is that we would truly experience healing in every encounter as a sacred encounter like that of the father and prodigal son pictured above. As Emerson wrote, "Oneness and otherness. It is impossible to speak or to think without embracing both." All that is left for us, then, is to fully live Love. May you be recipients of and kingly givers of Love.

Days 332-333 - Comfort

    I arrived home from work last evening cold, vaguely uncomfortable and, in a word, down. I felt unable to respond to my wife's warm greeting and retreated into a dull silence. Sitting down near the cave of a darkened fireplace, I searched for comfort and waited for the angel of relief. 

   Maybe we don't always have to be happy, I told myself again as I have so many times before. Maybe it's okay to sit alone in the valley of the shadow.  

   Adults are supposed to be able to self-diagnose dark moods and administer quick healing. Psychiatrists advise us to rise from gloom, move around, search the world for signs of hope. When we can't find relief, medication is a swallow away. The happy world has little tolerance for people who can't find the sun.

   December's dawn holds back her entrance until most of us have arisen. Her sky darkens early. Inspiring quotes and pictures of flowers may bring no relief to those whose hearts have fallen silent in such a season. 

   Where may we find comfort when hope seems as distant as our childhood? 

   Finally, I began to write this note to you. I titled it "Comfort" because hope, for me, lives in relationship. For me, comfort is soft, feminine. Most of the Journal's readers are women just as most caregivers are women. Whether mothers or not, women own a unique understanding of compassion. They know that Love is most clearly personified in a Mother's love.  

   Even though you are out of my view, three years of writing these "letters" (and seeing the responses from some) tells me that you are out there. We seek a similar land. We want to reside in a place where we are loved whether or not we are smiling. We want to find strength from each other so that we may offer hope and comfort to others.     

   As the earth hardens may our hearts soften so that God may give us a comfort beyond what the world can offer. As we both walk this earth, offering healing when we can, may we offer loving presence to each other.   

   There is a divine closeness in caregiving. There is no greater comfort than that offered by Love. 

-Erie Chapman