Journal of Sacred Work

Days 30-32 - A Model Reflection

Since the Journal is most often about meditations for caregivers, I decided to include a lovely example of the power of personal journaling for caregivers. Liz Wessel, R.N., M.S., a mission director at St. Joseph Health System based in Orange, California contributed the following meditation. Perhaps, it will be of help to you as you encounter yourself in the pages of your own diary.  -Erie

                                                   

                                                      A Day in the Mountains

   This morning I awoke to the rhythm of rain drumming the metallic roof of our sun room. Today marks the end of a busy workweek, my shoulder aching signals my need to rest and renew. I am up before dawn. Ah, Saturday morning and I don’t have to go anywhere! There are things I should do but as my late dear mother-in-law, Helen, used to say, “The chores will always be there, let them wait.” For I know that today will not wait, nor the opportunity to spend quality time in relationship with me. I hope to discover some peace within my inner landscape. Far too often, I seek signs of external affirmation that I am worthy of Love. Today, I wish to linger within this quiet warm glow. As our household lies asleep, I take my first sip of coffee, not yet fully awake. This is a cozy moment; I savor the thought of staying indoors with a wood fire burning in the fireplace all daylong. I decide to pretend that we are in a mountain cabin in the woods.

 A sudden sharp pain shoots down my arm (tendonitis) reminding me it takes time to heal. I reflect back on the six months that my brother Johnny was ill. I recall those marathon stints when I was his caregiver during each hospitalization, and I realize it has taken a toll on my body. I read a hospice educational handout that informs grief can manifest physically. I think to myself, hmmm… how strange my pain mirrors the exact location of my brother’s pain, shoulder, arm, back, and neck (although not near the intensity of his horrific pain) and I am thankful that I have this day for self-healing, to read, reflect, and give self-care.

I pick a book off the shelf and begin reading, Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship by Thomas Moore. A passage resonates with me as Moore describes the importance of getting to know and love oneself with unconditional acceptance. He teaches, “We don’t take on an attitude of perfection; rather we draw closer to those things that we feel as imperfect and let them be the openings through which the potentiality of the soul enters into life.” Moore references Paul Tillich’s famous sermon,“You Are Accepted” and quotes Tillich, “The depth of our separation lies in just the fact that we are not capable of a great and merciful divine love towards ourselves.” I believe the crux of this separation is our lost sense of remembrance that we belong to Love. The dismal state of our world seems to reflect this separation. Moore agrees with Tillich’s premise that the solution to our problems is not more knowledge, but to Love. When we open to Love with acceptance of our imperfections, divine healing occurs. This divine grace extends beyond self to others in the offering of unconditional acceptance. You see I cannot heal without you!

All the spiritual traditions point to a source of Love that empowers us when we dedicate our lives to work for the benefit of all versus that of self-interest. We are experiencing deeply challenging times in our homes, our communities, our nation, and the world. The recent presidential election seems to be a great catalyst for change and a reawakening of our collective soul. We are reminded that every generation is called to contribute to society for the good of all humankind. Now it is our turn to risk the challenge and respond with Loving action. This call is a deeply personal one stirring from within, from a place of remembrance, a remembrance of our purpose. Love shifts our thinking from an “us versus them” mentality. Love sparks our creative imagination, ignites our passion and lights our dreams. Love manifests in small deeds, in caring for our “dear neighbor,” (Sister’s of St. Joseph.) The power of Love transforms us into one human heart. We are called to serve and to help heal our world in Love. It begins with me Loving you, and you Loving me. We are all caregivers, one to another. Listen, for Love is calling you…

"If there is to be peace in the world, /There must be peace in the nations. /If there is to be peace in the nations, /There must be peace in the cities. /If there is to be peace in the cities, /There must be peace between neighbors. /If there is to be peace between neighbors, /There must be peace in the home./ If there is to be peace in the home, /There must be peace in the heart."

Chinese Philospher - Lao-Tse - 6th Century BCE

Days 28 & 29 - Universal Caregiving?

   [Note: Due to the popularity of this entry, we are extending it one more day.]

   With all the stuff flying around on cyberspace, including the now-pervasive you-tube, it can be difficult to discern what's worth watching. Our regular contributor, Liz Wessel, sent me this link to one of the most touching, two-minute videos I've encountered. The stars of this video are an elephant and a dog. What do they have to do with caregiving? Take a look.

YouTube - The Animal Odd Couple

What does story this tell us about caregiving?

-Erie Chapman

Day 27 - A Rich Darkness

You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.  - Edward Abbey

   After sixteen years of marriage her husband died of cancer. A few years later, she was diagnosed with cancer herself. What can be rich about this kind of darkness? My friend found a wealth of wisdom in her tragedies. Yet, another dark night awaited her when she was diagnosed with a "likely cancer" elsewhere in her body. Acting quickly, perhaps, as she says now, too quickly, she had the supposedly diseased gland removed only to find that it was cancer free.
   Today, the phrase "rich darkness" resonates with my friend. As a chaplain, she counsels the sick. Her agonizing personal experiences enable her to be a healing presence to others who are suffering.
   Perhaps most important, this chaplain understands the eloquence of wordless presence. Agony, after all, defies words just as surely as does joy. When we are drowning in the loneliness of our own suffering, it doesn't help for someone to try and flood that darkness with light. The light will come to us, if at all, through the love and compassion of someone who is caring enough to simply be near.
   It is not always wise to try and force someone too quickly out of the dark chapter of their life journey. Darkness can teach so much. It may be there that we find our greatest strength. If we yank someone too quickly from trouble, they may founder when darkness returns at a later time.
   This weekend, I saw two films about people who encounter darkness. The films, both of which I strongly recommend, are Revolutionary Road (with Kate Winslet, above) and Slumdog Millionaire. In one film, the hero escapes the dark, in the other, the hero does not. If you see the films, I'd be interested to know which film experience informed you more about your life of caregiving. All good art informs caregiving. These two film experiences offer us the chance to experience darkness from the safety of a movie theater. Those who chose to treat their film encounters as sacred will find that both of these movies are powerful for caregivers.
   Meanwhile, the ones who learn the most from their suffering and become the best caregivers are people like my friend, the hospital chaplain, who faced her darkness and now is an angel of light for others.

   What are your feelings?

-Erie Chapman

  

Day 26 - Art as Love

   The passing last week, at the age of 91, of acclaimed artist Andrew Wyeth highlighted the enormous contribution of beauty made by this remarkable vehicle of Love. Wyeth's most famous painting, Christina's World, appears above. His model was a neighbor who was paralyzed from the waist down. This image is only one of thousands of stunning works he bestowed upon the world.
   I thought of Wyeth for the Journal because of a comment made by his wife about Love. In addition to his "safe" paintings of landscapes, windows and barns, Wyeth also painted a series of nudes of another neighbor, a beautiful woman named Helga (see below.) Since the nudes were of another woman the Wyeth's knew, the images created a sensation. Immediately, tongues began to wag. Was the artist having an affair with his subject? How did Wyeth's wife feel about this? Was she threatened?
   Betsy Wyeth saw at a higher level. When asked what she thought her husband was trying to convey in his paintings of Helga she answered with the one word we preach in this site every day. "Love," she said. And that is what she saw in her husband's paintings - whether the subject was Helga or a curtain blowing in the breeze.
   We each have the ability to respond to the world from our baser instincts or from the higher reaches of our souls. Caregivers encounter unclothed patients everyday. Naturally, this is done in the context of professionalism. Boundaries are important.
   Yet, the average person finds themselves confused when an artist's subject is a nude model. How can that be professional, some folks wonder?
   Any relationship, whether caregiver to patient or artist to model, can be abused or elevated. The answer always lies in what Ms. Wyeth said. When we care-give with Love, God shines through. When artists create with Love, God shines through.
   Our responsibility is to train ourselves to see past a naked patient to the need that patient has. The responsibility of mature art appreciation is to see past the fact that a subject may be nude and instead see if God's Love is shinning through the canvas and into our hearts. When it does, art can teach us even more about the sacred work of caregiving.
   What do you think?

-Erie Chapman  

Days 23-25 - Grandfathers as Caregivers + Open Forum

   Most of the time, for most people, the first caregivers are parents. Grandparents teach caregiving as well. The impact of one grandfather on one family's life is beautifully illustrated in the words spoken by his grandchildren at the service following his passing. This lovely testimonial was forwarded to us by Edwin Loftin, Chief Nursing Officer at Florida's Parrish Medical Center. The grandfather referred to was Edwin's father who recently passed away. The writers are Edwin's children and their cousins.
   What do these words tell us about caregiving?

Pete:

One of the people who have been the most influential in my life is my grandfather.  I can only wish I can become half the person he was!  I have learned a lot from him throughout my life.  He has gone through many hard times that would have broken a lesser man, but always seemed to come out of the situation unscathed and a better person for it.  His perseverance through hard times has left an impression on me that will never dull with time.  The love that he and our Grandma shared was the warmest, kindest love that we have ever seen and they shared that love with all of us, never faltering.  We will never forget or never lose the love they shared for us and for each other, a love that all of us hope to portray in every second of our lives.

Sarah:

Papa showed us that the only way to live life is to just do it! Just live! Be happy with yourself and be a friend to all those around you. He told us what to do and he showed us how. His very actions showed us how to act and who to be. We are better people because of his guidance. And now, I know I want to be like him. I want to live life to the fullest like he did, be reverent and humble in all our actions, listen to others and guide our friends through the good times and the hard times. With Papa, anything is possible because there simply are no limits. Period. He taught us that everyone has the potential if you just believe in yourself. Papa believed in us. All of us all the time, which, more than anything else, knowing you have someone so incredible behind you, encouraging your steps in life, is such a wonderful amazing feeling that has shaped us for the rest of our lives.  I love him dearly.

Lee: 

Grandpa always had a way of making us laugh, and not just small chuckles that we kept inside, but laughing out loud at the dinner table with our hands over our faces so that sweet tea did not come out of our mouths. Whether it was his goofy expressions or his life stories, Grandpa knew what we needed to hear when we needed to hear it. He gave us lessons from his heart, from his own experiences and was an angel here on earth, guiding us. Without him so very present in our lives, we would not be who we are today. We are better people for having known him and we are so blessed to be his grandchildren.

Ray:

Grandpa is the reason why we are all where we are now. He taught and guided us more than we can ever realize but it was not just through words that he did this, he also taught through his actions. We all can agree grandpa was the most honest and loving man we ever knew and will ever know. He will be with us forever no matter what, guiding and protecting each and everyone. Grandpa did not only tell us to go for what we want, what we dreamed but he lived it.  He never stopped living it and we see it continuing in all of us.  We don’t know how he did it, but Grandpa instilled a love, a passion, and inspiration for everything we do.  He showed us that hard work pays off, and during hard times you stand with those that you love.

 

Maggie:

He always had the best ideas for us. I remember when we were younger and decided to jump out of the barn.  We were attempting to get the courage up to jump from the top of the first story onto the hard ground.  Papa pulled a large bag of hay out of the barn, making the landing softer for us helping us to gain courage to jump from the barn.  Papa always had a way of fixing it, figuring it out, making the feat ahead not seem impossible.  Even acts as little as making a softer landing for scared little grandkids jumping from a barn!  He always figured it out, he always did it his own way and showed us that everything can be fixed with a little bit of creativity, just don't get discouraged, because there is always a new stick to be made into a cane, a bag of hay for the jump, a piece of bamboo for a flute or a whistle, and always a way to get a tractor started on its most stubborn of days.  I love Papa so much and he will always be with me throughout my life.

 

Will:

I wish I could be half the man he was.  More than a man, he was my grandfather.  Always funny, always joking, always positive, he always looked on the brighter side of things.  I remember the time I cut my pointer finger in third grade.  I had stitches in my finger and a cast over it.  I came back to the farm and granddaddy was able to make me laugh by trying to get me to point my crooked finger straight at the farm.  Always there, always supportive.  He lived a life full of principals.  There are people who say you should do this, you should do that.  He didn’t say anything, he did it.  He was there when I was born and I knew he loved me to no end.  I miss him, but I know he is in a better place.  I love him with all my heart and always will.

Alex:

Driving over the farmland where for so long granddaddy called home one comes to realize the enormous legacy of a man who can only be described to the mind’s eye as a giant – a giant in soul, a giant in spirit, a giant in mind.  He was a man who tinkered and loved doing so.  He loved his workshop and built much for us grandchildren there.  He loved and enjoyed puzzles.  He was a man who appreciated the art of woodworking and nowhere is this more evidenced than on the walls and shelves of our bedrooms.  A man of deep religious faith, he loved his family, he loved his country, and he did well in passing those values on to us.

Day 22 - Times of Change

Today's meditation was written by Cathy Self, Senior Vice President for the Baptist Healing Trust.

"We must combine the toughness of the serpent with the softness of the dove, a tough mind and a tender heart." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"So be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."   (Matthew 10:16b, NRSV)

Jesus' saying as echoed in Dr. King’s words may have emerged from the presumed shrewdness of the serpent especially as held in the Judeo-Christian traditions. In the days of Jesus’ teaching, the word ‘wise’ was likely understood to mean the practice of common sense or of having sound judgment. It was probably meant to refer to a person who is thoughtful and perceptive, realistic in appraisal, astute and discerning; many scholars believe it did not refer to the crafty shrewdness of one who intends to do harm to others.

The dove, on the other hand, was believed to have no bile according to the natural science of those times, and became a symbol for the early Christians of all kinds of virtues. Some suggest those virtues include sincerity, loyalty, gentleness, compassion. These virtues were believed to be qualities that rise from an open heart and Love itself.

So what do a serpent and a dove have to do with us? It seems especially so, that in these times of change, and especially if we seek to live and lead from Love, we must be both tough minded and tenderhearted. In a recent conversation with a leader facing a difficult decision to reduce staff in order to keep a ministry open, both tough-mindedness and tender-heartedness emerged. A somber attitude of the impact of his decision was clear, accepting the reality of a decision that had to be made. His heart spoke just as loudly when he shared plans to make sure than each person directly impacted would be supported and provided for with access to extended severance pay, outplacement services, and counseling. This wise and loving leader also spoke of making more effort to be with his team, listening, encouraging, providing information and answers to their questions as honestly and completely as he could. He seems to be one who can listen to what is being said or not said, without imposing his own feelings and thoughts. In the midst of change, his sight seems focused in the present yet looking ever forward, bound by hope, faith, and Love.

Rev. F. Harry Daniel, in a sermon delivered at Second Presbyterian Church in Lexington, KY has said “A tough mind without a tender heart is cold and detached. It never truly loves. It is hardhearted and uses a crass utilitarianism which values others according to their usefulness.” Many of you may be in places where tough decisions are being made. Each of us, whether as leaders or teammates stand able to reach out and respond with great care and compassion. These times of change for our organizations, our communities, and our country will not be without hard decisions and hard work, uncertainty and risk. Toughness is needed, and always only with great and tender Love.

Day 21 - The New Caregiver-in-Chief

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate. - President Barack Obama [Photo montage of people watching Obama swearing in - Associated Press]

   For a little over 18 minutes on January 20, 2009, tens of millions actually paused in silence to listen to a speech. Traffic stopped. Surgeries were delayed. School days were interrupted. Perhaps people paused to hear words from our brand new President because he understands that "...it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation rests." I refer to our President as the new Caregiver-in-Chief because that is what every President has the opportunity to become.
   Our President's have more opportunity than anyone else to set the tone for our nation's culture. This has been most evident during the terms of the great Presidents. Washington refused to be crowned a king and, when he refused to run for a third term, signaled that America would be a culture of democracy. Lincoln appealed to "the better angels of our nature" and led our country through the valley of the shadow and into the sunlight of a culture of unity. Franklin Roosevelt spoke to American's in fireside chats and, in so doing, helped Americans understand themselves as a culture of one nation.
   President Obama has the chance to champion Love over fear. And that is exactly what he spoke in his inaugural address - that "We gather because we have chosen hope over fear."

   Mr. Obama has the chance to live the highest calling of a caregiver by how he responds to the challenge spoken by inaugural poet Elizabeth Alexander: "What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance."
   Imagine. What if these words of love traveled through the heart's of all of America's caregivers and into the souls of people in need. This is what a Caregiver-in-Chief can do. It remains for us to follow this path of Love in this new generation.
   What do you think? Can our President be effective as our Caregiver-in-Chief?

-Erie Chapman

Day 20 - A Bright New Day!

 ...it’s only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential.   - President Barack Obama

   From a place so far away from the United States it's referred to as "down under" come words of encouragement from a lovely caregiver who has dedicated her life to Love. "Celebrate well," Maureen McDermott, RSJ, wrote to me about our inauguration day. I pass on her good wishes from Australia to all of us. For the inauguration of our new President is a testimony to our nation's top caregiver - someone who has "hitched" his wagon to something larger than himself. May we all strive to reach for something larger than us in our own lives.

   This is a time for celebration. It is a bright new day for America and the world. 
   I recall a tragic day, nearly forty-one years ago that was a time of mourning instead of celebration. April 5, 1968 was the day after the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr. On that day, and for a long time after, I felt ashamed to be white. Although a single deranged white man had committed the tragic deed, I felt deeply aware of all the degrading things done by white men who looked like me to black men who looked like Dr. King.
   I felt like apologizing to every black person I saw. In many ways, I still feel that way. White men like me have not done enough to support the cause of equal rights in America.
   Before he was shot, Dr. King had been spit at, derided, attacked and jailed. When he was finally murdered, it felt to me like the killer had tried to assassinate a dream. It is up to us to keep that noble dream alive.
   Will the swearing in of Barack Obama redeem the dream? Perhaps in part. But, the ascendancy of this obviously brilliant man to the Presidency offers hope of something broader. It suggests that the day may come when we no longer highlight accomplishments by referring to the race of the individual.
   When a woman becomes President, she will be hailed as the first. After that, we may hopefully transcend such shallow distinctions.
   Love sees no race or gender or nationality. That is the call to all of us as caregivers. Each caregiver needs to fight the temptation to discriminate against the sick and wounded by pitying them as somehow less than us. Instead, we caregivers need honor the ill as brothers and sisters who can be healed with a Love that offers both competence and compassion.
   One of the many polls that are constantly being broadcast reported that 79% of Americans feel hopeful about the Obama Presidency. 100% of us would like someone to save us from our current troubles. Obviously, we all know that President Obama is not superhuman. Yet, we want him to be. And many are prepared to pounce on his first mistake. Can we have patience as he and our other leaders seek solutions? Can we do our part as we watch Mr. Obama doing his? Can we celebrate this new day with open hearts and keep the celebration going by transforming words to dreams to deeds?
   Mother Teresa was once asked why God allowed evil. She responded with words to the effect that God had equipped human beings to deal with disasters by helping each other. The problem, she said, was that instead of helping, we complain and blame. God offers Love. What else do we need?
   What do you think? Does the new President make you feel helpful about your work as a caregiver?

-Erie Chapman

Day 19 - A Short Life that Stood Tall - M.L. King, Jr. at 80

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.  - Martin Luther King, Jr.(above, with his wife, Coretta.)

   It's hard to believe that, had he lived, Martin Luther King would only be eighty years old today. We are all created equal. Yet, the lives of some stand so tall that it's hard for we regular-sized folks to comprehend. King called us to transcend our narrow concerns to reach for the good of all humanity. His personal example speaks volumes about the ability of one life to affect hundreds of millions.
   Martin Luther King, Jr.'s life stood so tall that he could be seen around the world. Imagine if lives were imagined in that way and one of those graphs was created that portrayed the population of the world arrayed in size by the how many people their lives have touched. Imagine what a giant image we would have of this one man. 

   If you're wondering about one way King's words live today, click on http://www.thekingcenter.org/. The voice and the words vibrate for us even though the speaker has left this earth.
   Contrary to what some said in the recent Presidential campaign, words are important work. That is what Martin Luther King demonstrated across his life. His words via his Letter from a Birmingham jail. His words delivered from the front of the Lincoln Memorial, and his words delivered as he ascended from prisoner to winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. From Birmingham to Stockholm. From anonymous to famous. From vibrant life to tragic death.
   All of this describes the life of a man whose words mattered because of the work he did to back them up. King's genius coincided with the needs of his time. Yet, we need his gifts to this very day. We need his heroism. We need his eloquence. We need both his words and his courage.
   Perhaps we have some of King's strength and Love in the person of the man who will be sworn in January 20 as our new President. If Barack Obama can transcend the lower demands of his office, he may yet bring to our country and the world a set of gifts that will restore the image of the freedom we all cherish.
   In the meantime, Martin Luther King, Jr. lives for us all. January 19 marks our celebration not only of his life, but of the words he left behind. "We shall overcome" and "I have a dream" are phrases which ring in our hearts as clearly now as if King still walked this earth.
   Caregivers can look to the example of a short life that stood tall. Dr. King's life demonstrates that each of us may stand equally tall, regardless of our fame. We do this through living Love.

-Erie Chapman

Days 16-18 Open Forum for Contemplation

     

     For while the whole life of the gods is blessed, and that of men too in so far as some likeness of such activity belongs to them, none of the other animals is happy, since they in no way share in contemplation. Happiness extends, then, just so far as contemplation does, and those to whom contemplation more fully belongs are more truly happy, not as a mere concomitant but in virtue of the contemplation; for this is in itself precious. Happiness, therefore, must be some form of contemplation. - Aristotle.

     This new and already tumultuous year has been experienced from places of hope, life, death, love, terror, solitude, fear, wonderment, acceptance, and deep questioning. As you enter into what will be for many a time of expectation and anticipation during these next few days, where is your heart? What does your mind turn on right now? How can Love best find its way into your life?  We invite you to use these pages over the next few days to share your contemplations.

Day 14 & 15 - The Still, Small Voice of Love

Cathy Self, Sr. V.P. at the Baptist Healing Trust, provided this piece from Henri Nouwen's book, Bread for the Journey.

Many voices ask for our attention. There is a voice that says, "Prove that you are a good person." Another voice says, "You'd better be ashamed of yourself." There also is a voice that says, "Nobody really cares about you," and one that says, "Be sure to become successful, popular, and powerful." But underneath all these often very noisy voices is a still, small voice that says, "You are my Beloved, my favor rests on you." That's the voice we need most of all to hear. To hear that voice, however, requires special effort; it requires solitude, silence, and a strong determination to listen.

That's what prayer is. It is listening to the voice that calls us "my Beloved.'"

Days 12 & 13 - Places of Acceptance?

[Ernest Green, 1958, being rejected by white classmates at Little Rock's Central High School after becoming its first black graduate.]

   Where are we first accepted...or not? Hopefully, it's in our mother's arms. Our mothers are the first ones who have the chance to love us. After that, our lives will always be places where, however kind and loving we are, we will occasionally encounter rejection.
   Patients come to hospitals for cures. They also come for loving care, which they may or may not receive. What if the patient is homeless, alcoholic or weighs four hundred pounds? Will they truly encounter acceptance?
   Charities were established for people who could find no acceptance elsewhere. In Nashville, for example, Oasis cares for teenagers exiled from home; Magdalene cares for prostitutes seeking recovery; The Next Door looks after woman leaving prison; and First Steps cares for infants and children with severe life challenges.
   Most of us are tempted to turn away from people who look or behave differently from what we prefer. Charities, grounded in Love, are charged to accept the "untouchables" in our society because the rest of us have either failed to live Love or because we lack the skills needed for curing.
   I grew up thinking that Christian churches, established as models of beloved communities, would accept anyone. I soon learned how tragically wrong I was.
   As late as the 1960s, some white churches in the south, were turning away human beings who happened to have been born with darker skins. The photograph of Ernest Green being shunned by fellow students as the first black graduate of Little Rock's Central High School highlights the power of rejection and the poison of blind hatred.

   To this day, many churches turn their backs on those who live a gay lifestyle. Many Southern Baptist Churches and many other religious denominations refuse to ordain women. The Catholic Church, as a whole, refuses communion to non-Catholics. Would Jesus refuse communion to you or me? To my Jewish or Muslim or Hindu or atheist friends who sought to share God's Love in this way?
   What exactly is it that we need to do to gain acceptance in this life? What is the membership test beyond being human? Where are the places that not only speak Love but offer it with no conditions? Do such places exist?

   The choice for America's charities is be places staffed by people who understand how to evaluate and treat, not judge and discriminate. The challenge for caregivers is to learn the difference between diagnosis and judgmental thinking. These answers are found by living Love.
   What do you think?

-Erie Chapman

Days 9-11 - Gifts and Terrors of Solitude - Open Forum

The great work of the solitary life is gratitude.  - Thomas Merton [image: Nightmare, by Henry Fuselli, 1781)

   A few hours ago, I awoke from the worst nightmare of my life. In it, both my children were young again and in need of my protection. Both were killed. In the nightmare, my grief was so loud that my wife turned from me and left. I then heard myself shouting to the sky: "Nothing matters!"
   I awoke from this nightmare and quickly found my way to gratitude that it was "only" a dream. But, as we all know, dreams feel completely real. That is why nightmares are so terrifying. In my waking state, I thought of the people for whom the nightmare is real. In Iraq, the Gaza Strip, and many other parts of the world, parents will lose their children today. It won't be a nightmare. It will be real.

   The toxic terror of my dream lingered for awhile. I was not planning to share it here, and then I took another look at Merton's book, Thoughts in Solitude.
   Which comes first, courage or passion? For me, it is courage. Even when I am completely in touch with my many passions, I find that it takes great courage for me to live what I love.
   In a reflection earlier this week, I wrote about how solitude can feel terrifying. In my own case, it felt that way to me in 1997 because, although I had enough money, I had no job. Solitude in the middle of that was solitude with no sense of the existence of any oasis. In my mind, at the time, no job for me meant that I did not exist. I hope I have grown beyond that. Only a time of solitude without work would tell me.
   What about you? What are the gifts and terrors of solitude for you?
-Erie Chapman

Day 8 - Giving from the Heart

Today's meditation was written by Cathy Self, Senior Vice-President for the Baptist Healing Trust.

     One premise of Radical Loving Care is that transformation of individuals and communities occurs in connectedness and caring for the whole person. It astonishes me how often the converse is experienced in organizations devoted to healthcare. Picture a healthcare community filled with individuals who are all devoted to doing the right thing. Patient satisfaction is high, awards from outside organizations are plentiful, turnover is low, and finances are stable. Sounds like a place that we might think of as a place of healing and maybe even Radical Loving Care. But look a little closer in some places and it is possible to find a vast majority of individuals who are disconnected at the most profound levels of who we are as human beings, in the places of the heart and soul and spirit.

     Although on the outside things may look good, and even great, some well accepted results are not always the best measure of what is true or real. Even a prestigious award such as the Malcolm Baldrige National Quality Award could conceivably be earned under the hard hand of dictatorship and fear. Desired outcomes can be garnered from any number of proven strategies for customer service and can even come as a result of especially moving, inspirational, or motivational speakers. Experience suggests, however,that at best outcomes emerging from externally imposed or motivated sources are fleeting and difficult to sustain. At risk is the disintegration of our very nature as created beings.

     St. Paul wrote of the perils and futility of doing even the most noble of acts without Love. In his well-known epistle to a community in the ancient Greco-Roman city of Corinth, Paul writes of the highly excellent, and in some cases, noble acts being performed by community members. As far as that community was concerned, many thought they had their act together! Paul uses strong words, however, to communicate that the most highly prized activities and results are nothing, meaningless,  if not done from and with Love. He goes on to suggest that human efforts will fail, and only Love sustains. When Love is present, care giving flows naturally and does not need rules, regulations, incentives, duty, or recognition as motivation. The presence and activity of Love from within signals wholeness of body, mind, and spirit manifested in our being.

     We spend a great deal of time and resource to learn the lastest in performance improvement techniques, to communicate effectively, to use the greatest technologies. We do many, great, and noble acts every day. The loss of the whole being, however, puts all at risk. Asking caregivers to leave any part of themselves out of the picture is leadership at its worst. Radical Love asks us to bring all of who we are into our giving of care, to bring out best. That means we are called to create environments, structures, and opportunities whereby every caregiver feels encouraged and supported in self-care and the presence of Love. We are asked to pay attention to the nourishment of our whole beings for the sake of Love itself. Why would we risk, even for a moment, anything less?

     What provides best self-care is known only to you. There are any number of practices that may help tap into the eternal and best source of Love itself - times of meditation, solitude, reading, reflecting, connecting with others. I'm not prone to making resolutions at the New Year, but this is a resolve I feel called to revisit over and over - to know and be Love in this world. What is your sense of priority and resolve around self-care in this New Year?

Day 7 - Solitude & Being "onto something"

"Not to be onto something is to be in despair." - Walker Percy in The Moviegoer

    Ever since I came across the above statement in Percy's book, it has haunted me. That's why I've quoted it before. Do we really need to be perpetually "onto something?" If we are not, do we fall into despair?
   Busy caregivers may have difficulty connecting with Percy's wisdom. First line staff, preoccupied with seemingly endless demands, may yearn for moments of rest when they are "onto" nothing more than silence. Living out our our calling requires activity, doesn't it? I gradually discovered that responding to my calling asked more of me than constant motion.
   During a period in the mid-90s, while working for a publicly-traded company, I did not feel I was onto anything meaningful. Adrift from my calling, I swam hard for the anchorage of a job where I could express my voice.
   Until I was "onto something," I truly did feel in despair. During a two-day silent fast, I encountered what Churchill called the black dog of depression.
   I had earned enough money. Why was I afraid of a life of peace and reflection? Why was I so anxious to pursue and so reluctant to simply accept whatever came along?
   It has to do with my nature and the nature of many. Striving seems endemic to some personalities. At a deeper level, I despaired in silence because I had not evolved in my relationship to God as Love. We must find Love in community before we can experience God in solitude.

    There are these searing words from Thomas Merton (below): "As soon as you are really alone you are with God." Is this true for you? Have you ever been alone enough to feel the hem of God's Love?
   At retirement age, I have no intention of ever retiring. The difference for me is that I understand my work as something I must do for my own state of wellness.  But this does not foreclose times of solitude. And in this solitude, I hope to receive God's Love.

   Solitude need not be frightening. According to Merton, it is our chance to join with Love. After such solitude, perhaps we can return to the world as better prisms of Love's light.
   If you knew you had only one year to live, would you continue doing your work? I now know that I would. My work is my calling. Traveling the world, playing golf, or retiring in Florida is not. This year, I plan to find some solitude. And this time, I will not be afraid. 
   How about you? Have you experienced a silent retreat? Are you uneasy in times of extended silence?

-Erie Chapman  

Days 5 & 6 - A President Interested in Loving Care?

  We live in a culture that discourages empathy. A culture that too often tells us our principle goal in life is to be rich, thin, young, famous, safe, and entertained.   - Barack Obama, speech, Jul. 12, 2006

   A president concerned about how culture can discourage empathy seems to me to be someone who is interested in encouraging its return. Can the President-elect inspire an increase in the expression of empathy in our country? We'll see.

   The last time I mentioned the name Barack Obama, one commenter wrote that I was wrong to even bring up this person. The Journal is about sacred work.
    If there was ever a job that has the potential for sacred work it is the role of President of the United States, the most powerful leader in the world. What we all hope is that our new President will view his role in the same way we want caregivers to view theirs - with Love. Is our President the Caregiver-in-Chief of American culture?
   Whether the hope Mr. Obama offers will be realized remains to be seen. But, what effect will his Presidency have on caregiving?
   Our writing and our work is about the culture that is needed to promote loving care. It is obvious that the dream of loving care has yet to be realized in most hospitals and charities in the way that it needs to be.
   Can political policies change culture? The answer, many believe, is "no." Can leadership change this? The answer is always yes. For good or ill, our Presidents affect American and, to some extent, world culture. Just ask the people of Iraq and Afghanistan if the American president has affected their lives.
   Through both policies and style, Presidents create a tone that both reflects and affects our culture. Regardless of party, Presidents influence the attitudes of many Americans toward each other and toward foreigners.

   When 19th century Presidents supported slavery or ignored it, they affected the attitude of many in the middle who weren't sure if the practice was right or wrong. When 20th century Presidents went along with demonizing Germans during World War I and both Germans and Japanese during World War II they influenced the way Americans thought about enemies and which ones supposedly needed to be hated. Many Americans today view Arabs in general and Muslims in particular with an irrational fear and suspicion. Where is the Love in this bias? 
   Abraham Lincoln was often reviled during his period of leadership. Yet, all historians agree that he was either the first or second (after Washington) best President in history.
   Ronald Reagan, a Republican, generated a sense of hope in America when he was elected. Forty-eight years before Reagan was sworn in, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, a Democrat, also ignited hope. His statement, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself" rings as truth to us to this day.

   Love is the only answer to fear. Both Reagan and Roosevelt helped to channel hope into the hearts of Americans. Obama has the chance to do the same IF he makes loving decisions and IF we are open to that kind of leadership.
   On January 20, 2009, this man with the unlikely name (for Americans) of Barack Obama will be sworn in as our new President. Whether we voted for him or not, whether we like him or not, he will be our new President. What we all hope and pray for is that he will bring to all Americans a renewed sense of hope.
   Hope is the child of Love. If President-elect Obama can awaken in all of us a deeper sense of Love, then his leadership will favorably affect caregiving coast-to-coast. If Americans harbor hatred and anger toward Mr. Obama, then he cannot help them. Hatred, always fear-driven, is the one force that blocks Love. 

   Lincoln, Roosevelt and Reagan opened the hearts of most Americans to Love. It is time for Americans to open their hearts to the new President. If they do, Love will flourish and caregiving will be enhanced. How can we live Love, not fear, as we face the new American administration?

   Do you think our new President will influence the climate of Love in caregiving? How?

-Erie Chapman

Days 2-4 - Models of Love - Open Forum

 Children need models more than they need critics. - Joseph Joubert,  Pensées 

   Our instinct to try and correct the behavior of others through criticism begins at an early age. We hear it from our parents, then nursery school teachers, and so on until we become critics ourselves, sometimes seeking to control the behavior of others through detailed instructions.

   Criticism is a way of asserting power over others. We reason that our small children need to learn not to touch hot things and to learn good manners. The challenge is to teach them this information and behavior style without belittling others when they err.

   Interestingly, it is self esteem that children need most. The same is true with adults. We need affirmation and sincere encouragement in order to develop the confidence to make wise decisions on our own.

   Positive example is the guideline that is most important in loving leadership. When fellow staff see us both acting out of love and then trusting others to do the same, there is the best chance of creating an environment where excellence and Love will thrive. 

   The goal of loving leadership is to create an environment where both tradition and change can flourish simultaneously. As President-elect Obama said in a speech in February of 2008, "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

   In this fresh new year, we can be the change we seek. In so doing, we can set a model of Love for others. As Joubert, quoted above, also wrote, "to teach is to learn twice." May this be a guide to helping others teach us, thus allowing them to "learn twice."

   What do you think? How do you serve as a model and how to others model Love for you?

-Erie Chapman

Day 1 - Live Love

Today's meditation was contributed by Cathy Self, Senior Vice-President for the Baptist Healing Trust.

     One year ago Erie Chapman, the author and founder of this Journal, offered a new challenge for readers. He suggested that the Journal be a place to share personal progress in "living Love, not fear." Of all the potential resolutions we might attempt to achieve, this one resolution, said Erie, is "worth a lifetime of effort. The resolution to 'Live Love, not fear,' is a complete and pervasive lifestyle that requires moment by moment presence.... Part of the practice of presence involves reflecting on our lives, so why not try this journal as a diary of your loving care?" That offer is made again today.

     I recently had the gift and privilege of staying with our two-year granddaughter as her parents welcomed her new baby brother into the world. To see life anew through the eyes of a two year-old is a gift that is beyond measure. What struck me most were the unexpected moments, seemingly out of the clear blue, surrounded by little arms and wet lips and a whispered "I love you Nana." Love offered and freely given - unbidden, unexpected, and deeply accepting - in spite of my inability to play hide-and-seek "one more time" or the need for a stern reminder to not jump off the couch. Unconditional love. What a gift. And how desperately needed in this world!

      Steve Tisch, one of the produces for the acclaimed film "Forrest Gump" said in his acceptance of an Academy Award for the film, "Forrest Gump is not about political views or conservative values. Forrest Gump is about humanity, it's about respect, tolerance, and unconditional love." What would this world be like if we could all be like Forrest? Does living Love ask us to give love unconditionally?

     So here we are, one year later, and it is Day 1 again. Perhaps it is still early in the morning of your Day 1, or maybe the evening sky has filled with stars over your head. Whether for just a moment or for hours, what has been your awareness today of Love in your life? How have you lived Love or felt Love extended to you?