[The following meditation was written by Catherine Self. Cathy is a veteran caregivers and a Senior vice President with the Baptist Healing Trust.]
Ask any patient how they would like
to be treated and a number of commonalities emerge: most suggest they want
someone to care for them with kindness, consideration and love; someone who
will treat them respectfully and with unconditional acceptance; who will listen
to their words and the feelings beneath the words; who will join in the joy of
success and progress; someone who will be open to the pain of suffering and
loss; someone who will relate with heart and soul and mind; who will be
unafraid to touch and be touched...
If today I had the opportunity to
ask how many of you extend these same behaviors and actions toward yourselves,
I would expect many to admit that the answer is few, if any. Instead we seem to
so easily become self-critical of personal flaws, willing to override personal
needs, take for granted personal strengths, gifts and accomplishments, and
generally devote little time or attention to connecting with our own hearts and
spirits.
Author Cherie Carter-Scott speaks
of our need to express self-love with the same abandon from which flows our
love and care for others. In fact, when self-love is depleted, our ability to
love others is limited. Says Carter-Scott “Love creates more love, and when
your own inner love light shines, you open yourself to experience the beautiful
wonder of a deep and powerful connection with another being.”
At its core, loving yourself means
believing in your own essential worth. It is the practice of nurturing a
healthy sense of positive self-regard and knowing without a doubt that you
fulfill a noble purpose in this life. Loving yourself also means actively
caring for every facet of yourself and every area of your life – physical,
emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. Loving yourself shows up in every
action you take, from coming in from the cold to finding a job that fulfills
your sense of meaning in life. Loving yourself means tuning in to your own
wants and needs and honoring them the
exact same way you would in loving and giving care to others.
Not everyone grows up to have an
intact sense of high self-esteem or worth. In fact, most of us need to work at
it to some degree throughout our lifetimes. Each of us will likely judge
ourselves insufficient in one or more areas, whether physical, intellectual,
financial, or in interpersonal dynamics, emotional maturity, or spiritual
growth.
However, according to Carter-Scott,
it is only when you have successfully mastered taking care of your own needs
that you can know how to extend that same attention to others. When you respect
the validity of your own thoughts and feelings, you can apply that
consideration to others. When you believe within yourself how valuable you are,
you can then bestow authentic affection for another.
The beginning of renewed or
deepening self-love may be sparked by spending some time in reflection. The
most loving thing you can do for others is to, right now, schedule time to
consider these questions:
1. What spiritual practices help me in caring for my soul and spirit? When is the last time I engaged with these practices with intention and mindfulness? What will it take for me to engage in these practices on a regular basis?
2. What are my biggest challenges that keep me from engaging in meaningful rest and recreation? What three actions can I plan to take that will help me get regular rest and recreation?
3. What are the main patterns of thinking that keep me from seeing myself as having worth and loving my self in healthy ways? What are new ways of thinking that I can begin to practice starting today?
4. In what new ways can I help my mind grow? Am I willing to explore poetry, short stories, art, and music as ways to stimulate my understanding of myself and others? How will I begin to engage in new ways of learning?
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in
your heart. And try to love the questions themselves – Rainer Maria Rilke
