"The mystery is that whoever shows up when we dare to give has exactly what we need hidden in their trouble." -Mark Nepo
Weekend Essay by ~liz Sorensen Wessel
Worldly love confounds.
Sometimes it can seem that when we offer our love to another human being and give of ourselves in wide-reaching ways, even so, that one true need the other person carries is something we are not able to fulfill.
This inability to give what is so deep down needed by another is not necessarily because we are selfish. It is a dynamic that so often plays out in relationships and can lead to frustration and despair or with developing insight, might offer healing and expansiveness.
Let me offer a few examples in an attempt to share my thoughts. There is:
... A young child who longs for the attention of his mother and father but both parents are so preoccupied with chores or work, they cannot give their full presence. The parents try to compensate for their guilt by buying lots of toys for their child.
... A lover who seeks intimacy with a beloved but instead is turned away because of the beloved's fear of surrendering completely.
... A friend who wishes to be seen as special in the eyes of another, yet, whatever lovely gifts are offered in return they never bring full contentment.
... A caregiver who lovingly cares for everyone else while neglecting their own health and well-being, is seemingly incapable of giving self-care.
So here we are in the muckiness of my inner musings. I hesitated to take you here as I would much rather offer you inspiration, but no, this is where I am and now where can we turn?
Well, all faith traditions point us to the Holy Alter that lies within. We come full circle. How often I want to escape from the messiness of my life. Yet, spiritual wisdom encourages us to show up, or as Thich Naht Hahn suggests, " Be there with 100% of your self. In every moment of your daily life. This is the essence of true Buddhist meditation. " Acceptance, offers us a gift of opening to joy and the pain of what is in front of us, and a chance to be surprised by what we discover.
It’s a simple but profound truth.
I can't help but to leave you with a little inspiration in the words of author and poet, Mark Nepo.
Winter Confession -by Mark Nepo
I’ve tried to follow every wind and
listen for its source. I’ve tried to follow
every light, and with my face in the sun,
all the things we carry that are afraid of
the light scurry to the back of my mind.
I’ve tried to find the truth and when I
have, I’ve found it’s everywhere, and that
I step over it in my pain or want for some-
thing I can’t have. Thankfully there have
been ordinary blessings. When I followed
your presence into what would be our love.
When I took a left in the path that led to
the sea and stayed there for days, putting
down all the names I’d been given. How
months later, while dropping a book of
poems by George Seferis, a wet clump
of grass stained his instruction to speak
plainly. And the small light that brought
me back while I was in surgery. It was a
crack of dawn promising so much, if I
could just get up and walk beyond death’s
slim tree. And here I am, all these years
later, mouth open, still in awe. Yesterday,
in the pines, my dog put her nose in the
snow. What a teacher. I slipped to one
knee and did the same.
Watercolor by ~liz
